Sperm donation is gross. There’s simply no way around it. Male masturbation is a furtive, mechanical activity, somewhere between peeling a banana and tossing a cocktail shaker. And when one arrives at a donation clinic there’s an awkward utility to everything. The suspiciously, clean couch (that I presume no one has ever sat on), the small television, the hazmat symbols on the plastic bags. Welcome to wank club. The first rule of wank club is please ensure your sample is securely sealed in this plastic container. The second is, for god’s sake, wash your hands.
The innate grossness is the reason I don’t usually disclose in polite conversation that I donate. For one, there’s a chance my mother will read this. And despite being a 31 year old gay man, I retain some discomfort at the idea that she’s aware I masturbate (sorry Mum).