parents

Why we decided to publish Alexis Fretz's story, and the photos of baby Walter.

Alexis and her two daughters

 

 

 

I’m writing this post in anticipation of people wanting to talk about the images we published on this post by Alexis Fretz about the premature birth – and death – of her son Walter in the 19th week of her pregnancy.

It was not a decision we took lightly. We discussed and debated it both with the women in the office and those who contribute to Mamamia remotely. Many of us are mothers. Several of us have lost babies during pregnancy and during birth. We know about the intense and overwhelming pain and grief and isolation and darkness that descends after such a loss.

But we didn’t all agree on whether republishing this incredibly personal, intimate and graphic account of Walter’s birth was the right thing to do. Some of us felt the images were too distressing. Some of us worried it was exploitative. Some of us were adamant that if Alexis wanted Walter’s story to be shared (and she expressly did), then we should honour that.

We all put forward our thoughts, our concerns, our fears and our opinions. In the end it was my call and I take full responsibility for it. I lost a baby at the same stage of my pregnancy as Alexis. I understood her motivation for wanting to share her story and the photos she and her husband took of their beautiful baby son. When I lost my daughter, it was years before social media and even the prevalence of websites. I found it impossible to find any way to connect with women who had experienced anything similar to the loss I was going through. What I wouldn’t have given to have been able to find a story like Alexis’s.

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I understand her desire to humanise and personalise and memorialise her son. I understand her desire to reach out in her intense vulnerability in the hope of connecting with like-minded souls.

I understand her desire for her lost baby’s life to mean something, even it is a pitifully inadequate substitute for taking her son home.

All of that informed my decision, yes. But what ultimately tipped the balance were Alexis’s own words. When we contacted her to ask her about republishing her post, she replied immediately with the following email:
 “Please share with my blessing. Lives are being impacted and it helps a little to know Walter’s life is making such an impact!”

And in an update on the original post on her blog, Alexis has written this:

Thank you to everyone who has written and messages me. I was trying my best to respond to everyone but I just can’t

Alexis

keep up. I am reading every message that comes to me and am thankful for them, except for the occasional negative and nasty ones. Please do not be upset if I don’t respond, I wish I had more hours in the day so I could respond to everyone who has opened their hearts to me. <3 to you all’

Please be advised that the photos in this post are emotionally hard to handle. I believe they are beautiful and shows that at 19 weeks my child was fully formed. I do not want anyone to be upset with what they see. You should view them before showing them to a child because they will bring up a lot of questions. Thank you all for reading and sharing our story.

I did not post these photos or our story with the intention of gathering facebook “likes” or comments. I really don’t care about those things at all. I shared these photos so my friends and family could see my perfect child. I never, ever could have imagined that it would spread across the world like this. I’m sorry if you think that I’m searching for fame or trying to increase my business, but that is not the case. Anyone that does knows me knows my heart and my love for the Lord. I wish that this hadn’t happened, but it did for a reason. Maybe that reason was to share with the world how perfect a baby which is legal to abort in many states really is. I’ll never know in this lifetime. I do know that the Lord has a perfect plan and that I will get to see my son again. If you have a problem with my faith and stance on abortion, just don’t comment. Thanks and much <3 to everyone who has been sending messages. I’ve read every single comment on the blog. I don’t think I’ll be able to keep up with the messages on FB, it has been a little overwhelming! May the Lord bless you all!

We made the decision to close comments on the original post out of respect to Walter and Alexis and their family.

It’s understandable, however, that seeing the photos and reading Alexis’s story will raise thoughts and feelings that some people may want to express or discuss which is why we have published this explanatory post.

To read the original post, click here.