By JO ABI
Why is my inner voice such a mean bitch?
Why can’t she be my best friend?
I’ve been struggling to find ‘me time’ lately and I’ve noticed that every time I schedule something like a dental appointment (for whitening) or the hair dresser (for a long overdue cut) I feel selfish and vain and I start berating myself. “A good mother wouldn’t deliberately take the long way home so she can chill out and listen to music before three children throw themselves at her.” “You ate too many biscuits today. Don’t you realise how fat you look in your summer dresses? Puplum…not for you dumpy arse.”
Why do I judge myself so harshly? Society judges me harshly enough as it is. You’d think I’d be intelligent enough to give myself a bloody break.
See, I just did it again…if I were more intelligent and sensible I wouldn’t let self-doubt make me feel like crap. I’d embrace my health and reasonable looks and age gracefully. Did I really have to cry when I saw that photo of myself with eye wrinkles, forgetting to breath in and what was I thinking wearing that stupid top?
I’ve always been worried that I don’t know enough. I may not be the smartest person in the room but that doesn’t make me stupid. I may not know where every single country in the world is located but I know most, vaguely. I can’t name all the world leaders but I’m interested in politics. I can’t do maths in my head but I sit down and monitor our family budget closely, calculator in hand. Just don’t ask me to use Excel. Or scan something.