By ANONYMOUS
The photo shows a girl with her arms seductively gripping the pole of the horse on the merry-go-round. Her eyes were closed, her mouth slightly open in that way that suggested something more. Her skirt was pulled up, showing long beautiful legs, a seductive image of youth, of beauty.
The girl in the photo is just nine years old. She is a friend’s daughter – and somehow, in that photo, she had moved from the space of a happy child in an innocent childhood picture, to one oozing sexual tension in a pose more suited to a men’s magazine.
It made me uncomfortable. I didn’t initially know how to respond. I kept looking at the photo, putting down my iPhone and moving away. I kept returning to it. I wondered if my friend realised that this moment capturing what should have been an innocent time, had captured something quite different. I looked again. The mother had commented. Yes, she quipped, it looked like pole dancing.
I felt emboldened – she had recognised it too – so I sent a private message. I felt the need to talk about it because the moment in time caught by the camera had unsettled me so much.
Why would an adult have posted that image, I wrote. The mother hadn’t done it – it was posted by a third party (another mum I didn’t know). Why would that mother post it on a Facebook account that could be access by unknown people? Yes by me, but who else?
I was upfront. I’d told my friend I was hyper sensitive to the photo because I’d just spent a day listening to PhD presentations about a range of human rights issues including the sexual exploitation of children (specifically those who had been trafficked) and she knew from my own posts that the week previous I’d been listening to research on body image and eating disorders. I’ve been thinking a lot about the issues surrounding the impact of the sexualisation of pre-pubescent children.
Top Comments
This reminds me of a situation of a local Dad I knew. His eldest daughter, the same age as this one, 9, is being groomed to be a star - model, actress etc.
She is indeed the apple of her father's eye. She is also very pretty, as many little girls are.
I remember the shock myself and the mother's at this other little girl's birthday party felt, when we watched this 'groomed for big things' little girl preen and posture as if she was a young adult, complete with massive adult Jacki O sunnies that hardly fit on her face. Adopting a posture you may see a woman on the street corner turning tricks demonstrate. She was trying hard to flirt with one of the 20 something young men that were also present (knew the family, public place) and even attempted to engage one of the mothers in who was going to 'score' a particular young hunk. I kid you not!
It looked so heartbreakingly and shockingly wrong to see a 9 year old adopt such overtly & aggressively sexual behaviour.
None of the mothers there encouraged that behaviour (the father had dropped her off at the party) and instead tried to get her involved in the 9 year old party games. Which she reluctantly agreed to.
It was gobsmacking!
The father is renowned for his overt sexuality, often causing discomfort for the women (including myself) in this small community with his comments and overtures. Made trebly worse given he has a lovely girlfriend.
The parents have gone through an acrimonious divorce, and the mother is also fully behind their aspirations for their daughter. As a couple, the local rumour was they were swingers (each to their own), and the few times I've seen the mother, I've seen a woman with sensational legs in her late 40's wearing tiny hotpants and platform heels flirting with the divorced Dads at the local cafe. I guess if you can pull it off, what's stopping you!
But it does raise the question about your environment and the impact on the child.
The sequel to this story was that this father's best mate was arrested for having a stack of pornographic pictures of children, many of this father's daughter in photoshopped lewd positions with the 'mate'. This man was also a parent and their daughters played together.
I believe when it's not your child, you have no right to comment on their parenting, as hard as that may be. All you can do is ensure that if/when you engage with the child you do so coming from your own values. At the very least it might provide them with a window or door into another, less adult, world.
The author interpreted the photo one way. The mother clearly didn't see an issue with the shot - she was aware of it after all, so I'm not surprised her message came across as critical and she was defriended, she was criticising it! Obviously it was done with the best intentions and the child's interest at heart but let's face it, it was never going to go down well. Unfortunately, a phone call would probably escalate it into a proper drama so I'm not sure what the solution is. The real issue is that this mother sees nothing wrong with her daughter looking like a pole dancer in the first place - she thought it was funny, so you're fighting a losing battle.
Maybe those saying to report it to FB have the right idea. Mum is obviously going to be of no help here.