real life

When you want another baby... and your husband doesn't.

When you want a baby – and your husband doesn’t…






Dear Husband,

So you know how we had our two kids, and you know how great they are, and you know how we swore that we wouldn’t have any more? Yeah, about that. I’ve changed my mind. Wanna make another baby?

I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately (translation: watching babies take baths on YouTube) and I really want another baby. My uterus has officially put out the welcome mat.

I’m fully aware I was the most vocal when it came to saying we weren’t going to have any more children. I know I said things like “over my dead body’’ and ‘’this womb is out of business.” For 5 years I’ve been saying that. I think I was even saying while I was still pregnant with our last child. “Never again!”

I also know that I’m big enough to admit when I might have been wrong. All good reasoning and logic say that we probably shouldn’t want another baby, yet here I am wanting one all the same.

I want the tiny fingernails and the curly toes

I want to bring a little bundle of love home from the hospital and welcome it into our lives. I want the tiny fingernails and the curly toes. I want the warm smell of the top of the head.

I want the cute yawns, and the even cuter sneezes. I also want the sleepless nights. The unrelenting workload. The difficult juggling act. The screaming and crying (both mine and the baby’s.) I want the good and the bad. I want it all. I want a baby.

When our two boys came along we were so young (and so stupid). I didn’t enjoy a single second of it. I was filled with panic and confusion, and an overwhelming sense of failure.


Never once did I feel like I was doing a good job raising our boys. I lurched from one disaster to the next, never taking a moment to stop and actually enjoy them.

You’re right when you say that I can’t live my life trying to make up for regrets of the past, especially when it comes to our kids. I agree. (If I did that I would still be back in high school trying to make up for making my best friend dump my first boyfriend for me.)  But this doesn’t feel like chasing down old stuff-ups and rectifying them. It feels like being given a chance to learn from the past.

I know you say that you’re done. I get and respect that. Up until recently I was right there with you. Done with the nappies and the middle of the night feeds and the fog you seem to live in when there’s a newborn in the house. I was done with all of that too. But all of a sudden, all of that is exactly what I want.

I’ve thought about the affect it will have on our boys. They’ve been the only two for a good while now, and are pretty comfortable with their lives. A new baby will change all of that, but I’m convinced that will be a good thing. They can learn new responsibilities (they’re totally old enough to change a nappy right?) and learn a new type of love. They’ll be the most awesome big brothers a kid could ask for.

It’s not rational for me to want another baby though is it? I was so sick in my pregnancy with our other two children (yes, I vomited in our bed once, sorry about that). But despite the hospital trips due to debilitating sickness, I’m willing to go through all of that again to have another child. I know, call me cray-cray.

Will you think about it?

See, there’s just something greater pushing this than logic. I feel like it’s instinct. It’s like being clucky, on steroids. I feel this desire so much so that I can practically see this little baby. It already exists (I know it’s sex and I’ve named it in my head).


My want for a baby is so real that I feel like someone is missing. To me our little family doesn’t feel quite complete anymore. When we all sit down to dinner together at night I want to pull up a high chair and plop a fat little bundle into it and feed it mashed sweet potato.

I hate that I’m a smart, educated woman of the 21st century who is still pretty much just at the whim of her biological desirers. I feel like an un-evolved dum dum. Who wants a baby. A cute little button nosed kissable smoochable baby… oh god I think I just started lactating.

I know how hard it will be. We’ve done it all before remember, and how hard it was/is pretty much burned into our psyche. But I feel like we are better equipped to deal with all of that now. We won’t be so lost at sea, but instead will have a boat, life-jackets and supplies.

I know by asking you to have another baby puts you in a difficult position. All I’m asking it that you consider it again, and look at it with fresh eyes (preferably ones which don’t focus to sharply on the lack of sleep or the baby poo.)

So there you have it love, that’s where I’m at. This is a joint venture of course, and what you want matters to me dearly. I can certainly promise a lot of fun making the little tike. Will you think about it?

Much love,

Your wife (+ the baby)

The author of this post is known to Mamamia, but has chosen to remain anonymous.

Have you ever been in this situation? What would you do if you wanted a baby, and your partner did not?