By JO ABI
I’m living a blessed life.
I have a wonderful marriage, a beautiful family, we’re gainfully employed doing jobs we enjoy, I live exactly where I want to live, I have amazing friends, my weight is stable, my toenails are painted…
Everything’s just a little too good.
I’ve been holding off on buying myself a new pair of work out shoes and was just offered a free pair. In my last pay I was paid more than I was expecting. My electricity bill was $300 less than I’d estimated.
And when life’s this good do you know what I start to think?
SOMETHING HORRIBLE IS GOING TO HAPPEN.
I feel this overwhelming sense of impending doom. I just KNOW something terrible is going to happen because life can’t be this amazing… can it? Maybe it’s just my turn to have things go exactly as I’d like them to go after quite a few years of sadness and struggle.
Is this how life works; a series of checks and balances so you can never just go with the flow? We’re constantly being jolted and rattled.
My certainty that my life is a little too good at times is a constant source of frustration to my husband, who is positive to the point of delusion. He and I are total opposites when it comes to things like this.
“But you made this life for yourself,” he says constantly and with much frustration. “I watched you create this life. Why do you always think something bad is going to happen? If you think like that you’re going to make something bad happen!”
I’m going to make something bad happen.
Is it my fault we went bankrupt? Because when business was booming I just couldn’t quite grasp the idea that we were well-off, that this was my life. I remember thinking at the time that I could enjoy it more if I was contributing to our financial position. At the time I was having babies and trying to make my days interesting. It was all just too good to be true.