lifestyle

28 women on how they see themselves when they're drunk. (We guarantee you're on this list).

ALL the wine!

Everybody knows that you have the best ideas when you’re ridiculously drunk. There’s a crucial point, after a few wines, when the confusing fog over your life fades away, and you’re filled an undeniable sense of clarity. You’ve GOT THIS. You understand things now! You are so talented/profound/interesting!

Of course, that blinding moment of brilliance is ever so fleeting, and it’s not long before the crying starts and it’s important you have a nice little nap on the shoulder of whoever you happen to be standing next to.

The other day in the office, we got to talking about the weird things we think about ourselves when we’re drunk. The answers were so varied and hilarious that we decided to reach out to women everywhere and crowdsource some responses.

There were so many good ones we had to include them all.

So here’s what 27 women think when they’re drunk. Don’t try to deny you relate to at least one thing on the list…

1. When I’m drunk I think I’m a better dancer than Beyonce.

2. When I’m drunk I always think I need more lipstick. I don’t.

Beyonce’s got nothing on a lady after a few wines.

3. When I’m drunk I think I’m convinced I can tell really incredible, captivating stories.

4. When I’m drunk I buy everybody drinks like money means nothing.

5. When I’m drunk I have no concept of other people’s personal space.

6. When I’m drunk I’m convinced I’m in a sound bubble and that nobody can hear me no matter how loud I speak. I’ve offended a lot of people.

7. When I’m drunk, for some reason, I always seem to think I don’t need shoes.

8. When I’m drunk I swear graphically every second word and think it’s really endearing. It’s not.

9. When I’m drunk I think I have a secret sexy way of communicating with men.

10. When I’m drunk I think I’m the most attractive person in the world. And the drunker I get the more attractive I become.

11. When I’m drunk I think I could be best friends with every stranger I meet on the street. And I usually tell them so.

ADVERTISEMENT

12. When I’m drunk I think I’m immune to hangovers.

13. When I’m drunk I always think I should try complex new ways of doing my make-up in a pub bathroom mirror.

14. When I’m drunk I get really emotional and insecure.

15. When I’m drunk I see myself through beer goggles. And I look good.

16. When I’m drunk I like to repeatedly tell everybody that I’m a strong, independent woman.

17. When I’m drunk I think I’m a food critic. And that I know everything about wine.

Well that got out of hand quickly.

18. When I’m drunk I think I can say things like “This wine has chocolatety undertones” and get away with it.

19. When I’m drunk I think I’m really posh and start talking like Prue and Trude to prove it.

20. When I’m drunk I strut. I strut like everywhere is a catwalk.

21. When I’m drunk I have really intense, existential conversations with taxi drivers.

22. When I’m drunk I always push people really hard when they tell me something exciting.

23. When I’m drunk I think I have the flexibility of a gymnast and the stamina of an athlete. If you know what I mean.

24. When I’m drunk I always text someone I shouldn’t.

25. When I’m drunk I don’t understand the thundering volume of my own voice.

26. When I’m drunk I’m convinced that anybody who watches the same TV shows as me is my soul mate.

27. When I’m drunk I always want to talk about the future and where my life is at and then I end up crying.

28. When I’m drunk I never, ever believe that I am drunk. Ever.

Like Mamamia Rogue on Facebook

Rogue is Mamamia’s space for fun, viral and random content, with everything from feminism to pop culture. We scour the internet so you don’t have to, and bring all the best bits back.

What would you add to the list?

00:00 / ???