by DAVID M. GREEN
Everyone is talking about ticking things off their bucket list these days. But just as important as things you want to do before you die, are things you don’t.
So I’ve decided to create an “Anti-Bucket List”.
These are things that I NEVER want to do again. Alas, I’m probably not at the stage where I can consistently avoid partaking in these activities… But I’m working towards it.
Here are the first seven things in no particular order:
1. Work for less than $30 an hour.
It was only 3 years ago I was making $9 an hour delivering pizzas around the south western suburbs of Adelaide… $9… when I was 21… I’d like to say thankfully those days are long gone, but it’s always been at the back of my mind that I may someday find I’m forced to give up this comedy caper and go back into retail to pay the bills. Oh God please no!
However, I’ve recently made the decision that $30 is going to be my minimum hourly rate. Anything less than that is not worth the time of TV’s David M. Green. That is of course until I have no other alternative.
2. Lift heavy furniture.
I’m not a labourer. I’m whitey white collar. Furniture-lifting is just not my forte. Even people who do it for a living, who actually enjoys moving heavy objects? Nobody.
Especially because I’m living on the 3rd floor with no elevator, now seems the right time to give up lifting furniture. And assuming I can abide by my $30/hr rule, I should be able to avoid it.
Until of course I can’t.
3. Be without an exhaust fan in my kitchen or bathroom.
No exhaust fan in a kitchen usually results in the smoke detector going off. No exhaust fan in the bathroom usually results in mould.