What your cooking style says about your personality.

I am not a good cook.

Don’t get me wrong, the end product is often delicious. The food on the plate is scrummy. Scrummy, I tell you. But the process involved to arrive at scrummy is an ugly explosion of lidless condiment bottles, stacked up sinks, and pots with the bottoms burnt out.

So I therefore know that am not a good cook, because I have witnessed good cooks a lot in my time. They are tidy, and organised, and have many types of tupperware (with matching lids).

What does all of this mean, friend?

What does our cooking style say about who were are as a human? What does that obliterated pot say about my ability to cope with time-sensitive tasks? Could it be possible there are personality types aligned with the way we prepare food?

Probably not, but we’ve gone ahead and made some sweeping assumptions – because why wouldn’t a narcissistic generation of navel gazers want to know what other people think of them, right?

Bon appetit.

via GIPHY

THE SLOB

You are… the person who stands strong by the mantra, ‘I’ll cook, you clean’. Why? Because you have turned the kitchen into a Vesuvius of eggshells, flour, cheese graters, and parsley stalks. You do not clean as you go, because you are creating, goddammit.

Meaning...in real life, you have not yet mastered the art of a clean handbag, but you ARE the master of imagination. Creative, clever, but a little hasty; you’re the person people call when they need a job done. Unless it involves cooking.

LISTEN: How to get your kids into baking. (Post continues…)

THE CONTROL FREAK

You are… completely unable to share a kitchen with another human. They take up precious space, and between you and me, get eggshell in the mix every single time. You watched them. From over their shoulder. You saw that eggshell.

Meaning… you’re a solo traveller when it comes to attacking a task. Taking the time to explain how it needs to be done would take just as long as if you did it yourself. You love to help others, but only if it means you’re leading the charge.

THE OVERLY-PREPARED

You are... the person who casually brings out 17 containers of pre-diced vegetables and herbs to accompany the grilled chicken you prepped on Sunday and flash froze for instant freshness. Dinner is an assembly line of maximum efficiency.

Meaning... wasting time is not in your repertoire, soldier. You have life planned down to the second, and straying from the plan could lead to disaster. Remember than time your Zumba class ran late and you almost missed your parent/teacher interview? NEVER AGAIN. Not on your watch.

THE IMPROVISER

You are... not fazed by modern constructs of 'recipes' or 'ingredients'. You are an instinct chef, which means you consult the oracle of Buzzfeed Food and just kind of riff it from there. Your best moment so far has been Dorito jaffles.

Meaning... life is your oyster. You're not held down by expectations of what should be, you just enjoy the moment. And try not to think about the nutritional value.

THE COMPULSIVE BAKER

You are... the go-to person in the office when there's a birthday. Your pantry is always stocked with flour, eggs, and icing sugar; and pulling together 27 red velvet cupcakes for your niece's birthday party at 10am isn't a challenge, it's a DREAM.

Meaning... you are a maternal type who loves to make others feel good. You are a homebody and always, always have the spare bedroom made up...just in case.

THE BURNER

You are... Hephaestus, God of Fire, and everything you touch turns to crispy burnt black. You try, you really do. But then you get involved with a certain episode on Netflix. And having removed the batteries from the smoke alarm a looong time ago, are about an hour late to rescuing the fish fingers from their fiery pit of hell.

Meaning... you have a good heart and best intentions but your wandering mind takes you away sometimes, you know? You're a dreamer with great passions, but making toast is not one of them. Probably for the best.

Offended?

Go on, Chef. Try and take it with a pinch of salt.