parents

What would you sue your parents for?

Bernard is suing his parents. For not loving him enough.

By NATALIA HAWK

In our latest favourite “only-in-America” story, a homeless man from New York is suing his parents for – wait for it – not loving him enough.

That’s right. 32-year-old Bernard Anderson Bay reckons that he never got enough affection or support from his parents, Vickie and Bernard Manley.

He was allegedly also raised in a poor household, and because of that, he is now homeless and destitute. “Our whole family is really poor, and my father doesn’t care about the situation,” Bey said. “I feel unloved and abandoned.”

The solution? He wants his parents to mortgage their house so they can buy two Domino’s Pizza franchises. Then Bernard will be employed and everybody can be happy. Or not.

Unsurprisingly, his parents are not appreciative of the US$200,000 lawsuit. “He’s 32 years old. That speaks for itself. Welcome to America. Everyone in America has the same opportunity. Don’t blame the parents at this point. The choice is yours. You’re an adult,” said his mother.

As for his father? “He’s not related to me. He’s not my son,” Bernard Senior said. Well. That’s awkward.

But really, I think Bernard Junior might have a bit of a point. Parents are very influential in shaping your life experience and have the potential to either make your life excellent or scar you irrevocably. In the spirit of Bernard, I have compiled a list of what I would sue my parents for:

1. The time they took me to a ski resort in Canada but wouldn’t let me swim in the indoor pool. Seriously ruined my holiday AND probably hindered my swimming abilities by letting two entire weeks of paddling experience slide by.

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2. While we are on the topic of pools – the time they booked a hotel in the US that had a mosaic whale printed on the bottom of the pool. I now have an irrational fear of whales attacking me whenever I swim anywhere.

I never saw one of these under the Christmas tree. Ever.

3. The time they bought me a guinea pig and I had it for one entire day before they changed their mind about buying a guinea pig for a 5-year-old. These days, I cannot even walk past a pet shop without feeling really sad and nostalgic about what could have been.

4. The fact that they never bought me another pet to make up for the lack of guinea pig. I was forced to learn responsibility by looking after my Barbies, and Barbies don’t even care if you throw them down the stairs or balconies or whatever. Lesson NOT learned.

5. All the times they bought me really lovely clothes and shoes and swimsuits because now I have to buy my own clothes and shoes and swimsuits. I cannot even hope to live up to the high fashion standards they set for me as a seven-year-old.

6. Providing me with a large, clean home in the Eastern Suburbs because one day I am probably going to have to live in a share-house that’s 40mins away from the closest bus stop and has dried garbage juice all over the kitchen floor and HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO COPE.

7. Making me participate in many sports and extra-curricular activities after school. I have too many friends from all of these activities and sometimes when it’s my birthday I struggle to decide who to invite.

Please note, parents – $200,000 should make me feel somewhat better.

Over to you. What would you sue your parents for?