Welcome to ‘Ask Rosie’, the space on Mamamia where you can contact me with your problems about anything and everything and ask me, well, what I would do. Consider it my selfless Oprah-esque gift to all of humanity. You’re welcome.
But be warned, I’m not one to beat around the bush. I tell it like it is. I call ‘em like I see ‘em. I’m a straight shooter. Cliche cliche etc etc sassy advice cliche.
Let’s get into it:
I’m currently in this really awkward relationship with a man who lives a few streets away from me. We catch the same bus every day, and then change buses and get onto the same second bus every day. And, we get off at the same final stop every day. I do not know his name. I know nothing about him. But, I feel as if we should both just acknowledge that we spend nearly two hours (classic Sydney traffic) together each day, and have done so for over a year. I actually see him more than lots of my friends. Not that I know him. Or anything.
Should I approach him?!? WHAT WOULD YOU DO? Anon xx
Anon. Drop what you’re doing and listen to me RIGHT NOW:
You are currently in the middle of an epic romantic comedy. If you play this thing right, you and Bus Guy are going to end up kissing in the rain, and none of your makeup will run while doing so.
First, get yourself a sassy best friend who rolls her eyes a lot, and is either married or a lesbian (it doesn’t matter which, she just can’t be interested in your leading man). If you can’t find one of those, sub in a fun, bitchy gay guy who tells it like it is, girlfriend.
Next, spill your coffee on Bus Guy. When he takes his headphones out to clean up, you’ll hear that he’s listening to That Song by The Band You Thought Nobody Knew About But You.
Fall in love with Bus Guy. Then, face some obstacles that make you ask yourself if love is enough. Break up with Bus Guy.
There will be a montage with shots of you wistfully looking at a bunch of empty chairs that Bus Guy normally sits in. You will visit all the places the two of you went together and stand there alone looking sad.
Your sassy best friend will take you out to drinks and listen to you complain. His best friend will do the same with him.
Then, a Major Life Event will occur that make you realise that Love Is All That Matters. You’ll run to the bus stop in the rain just as he’s running to the bus stop in the rain. You will kiss.
The poster will be the two of you standing back to back at the bus stop.
The movie will be called ‘Next Stop… Love’.
Sorry, what was your question again?
There’s this guy at work who doesn’t respect personal space boundaries. I visibly retreat and he just moves forward more. How do I politely tell him to back the fuck up?
What would you do?
Here’s what I would do Uncomfortable:
Every time he approaches you about any kind of subject, cut him off and begin describing in detail the last dump you took. I’m talking smell, texture, push-to-length ratio. Nothing upsets and confuses men like the unpleasant realisation that women poo.