Why I chose an alpha male over my passive husband.

“I thought I wanted to wear the pants…until I met someone who looked better in them.”

 By Claire for DivorcedMoms.

Prior to falling in love with an alpha male, I had been married to a very non-alpha male. I was the pants wearer and decision maker. My “bossy” nature made me think this was what I needed in a mate.  Someone who was good with me taking initiative and leading the way. As time wore on, however, I realised being the alpha in a relationship becomes tiresome. I didn’t want to make EVERY decision or lead the way EVERY time. Trying to pinpoint where we went wrong in our marriage is tough, but the differences in how ambitious and driven we each are is probably the obstacle that was hardest to overcome.

Then along comes Alpha. He is strong and smart and capable. He knows what he wants and makes it happen. He makes decisions when I don’t feel up to it (even about little things like what to eat). He is fiercely competitive and the first to rush to my defense. He likes me being his and likes even more for other men to know I’m his. I see this in him and it makes me swoon.

I never thought I was the kind of woman to fall for a dominant. I thought surely I wanted to be in charge. However, being slightly more submissive (not entirely…don’t get me wrong) and allowing someone else to show they can handle what life throws at them has been like a breath of fresh air. I feel taken care of and protected and didn’t even realise those were things I wanted to be.

Alpha males bring a certain amount of sex appeal as well. I know not all women will agree, but a man who is a man is a huge turn on. Mine works with his hands and plays guitar. He has a bad mouth and at times a bit of a short fuse. That may sound like a negative, but combine it with the fact that the soft side is ever present and he worships this girl like no one ever has and it’s pretty powerful. When it comes to me he is sensitive and patient. He treats women with respect and there is a certain chivalry to men who are men. They are a dying breed and I am lucky enough to have snagged one.


I believe the draw to alpha males for so many women is that we are a generation of powerful women. We want careers and to be treated equal. With this we have to lose some of our softness at times to be heard. An alpha male reminds women that it is ok to be treated like a lady sometimes. It is ok to not always be the dominant person in the room. It is nice to know that if you don’t take charge things may actually still get done and the world WON’T come to an end.

Sometimes it's good to let them take charge.

Of course, with any positive there are usually a few negatives. At times his dominance is frustrating for this bossy girl. I do like things my way…and so does he…so we often have to make huge efforts to meet in the middle. We have to recognise when we are at an impasse and move on. I have to allow for a certain amount of bravado and chest pounding that at times is sexy…and at times just makes me laugh. I know he wishes at times I would allow his alpha to really show and keeping him in check is something I’m still trying to figure out.

As with any male/female relationship, there are challenges and moments of frustration. However, his passion for life and for getting things done means that he will go above and beyond to ensure my happiness. He wants to be the man that saves me from others and from myself. I am learning to be ok with being taken care of. I love my sweet, demanding, sexy, frustrating alpha male and he loves me with his whole heart. Alpha or not that is what women want…the love and admiration of a flawed yet wonderful man.

Do you like to wear the pants in the relationship? 

This post was originally published on Divorced Moms.

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