By ROSIE WATERLAND
The interwebs has churned out at least two stories this week, which offer tips on how to make pooping at work easier. And a further search (don’t ask me what I was originally googling that meant I ended up there) reveals thousands more posts on the subject.
Now. I know what most of you are thinking.
What is the big freaking deal about the splash (or plop, as it were) sound that occurs when water and waste collide? Why on earth does it cause so much anxiety?
There are no easy answers – but since I’m a serious journalist who specialises in hard-hitting news, I’ve naturally decided to investigate this phenomenon further.
Confession time: I do completely understand the anxiety that surrounds pooping at work. Hell, my flatmate and I have issues pooping at home. He plays Birdy’s cover of Skinny Love whenever he’s doing number twos in the bathroom. It’s a bizarre effort in misdirection that I completely understand and wholeheartedly empathise with. Unfortunately, all it has managed to actually achieve is the reprogramming of my brain to associate Birdy with my flatmate struggling to push out a stubborn one.
You think that’s bad? Keep reading.
For those of you who don’t know, I’m pretty new here at Mamamia. And while I LOVE my new job and am thrilled to come into work every day, there’s one thing that I’ve struggled with: The bathroom is in really close proximity to the editorial office. Like, next door kind of proximity. Like, sometimes I wait until everyone is having a really loud conversation before I decide to do my business. If all else fails, I turn on the tap. Or hold it.
I know, I KNOW – it’s ridiculous. But there are thousands of us who have the same anxiety. Maybe millions. We should start a foundation.
An article on The Blush this week offered some handy pointers for those of us afflicted with work poop anxiety. Here’s some highlights: