Hand grenades, egg cartons and male masturbation toys.

In case you hadn’t guessed from the headline. This post is not safe for work.

By MAMAMIA ROGUE

There’s not really any way to put this delicately, so… Here we go: This is a post about male sex toys.

Male masturbation aids and supplementary devices to be exact.

Last week the Mamamia office got to chatting about whether there is a male equivalent for the dildo or vibrator (as you do) and – one pretty enlightening Internet rabbit hole later – here we are.

Obviously we’re no experts in the field, so these images are presented without comment. (Professional comment, that is. We have all kinds of other comment). Here are the most notable male masturbation tools we found in our noble search, brought to you in the spirit of Great Curiosity.

1. The Tenga Egg

Luckily there’s a handy video with adorable baby chickens that explains how this works:

So, um, that’s that then. You can even get them in a carton. Perhaps keep them in the fridge?

sex toy

2. The Tenga Flip (or: when the Tenga people get inspired by Dyson):

sex toy

Apparently there’s three different suction settings – you just open it up, insert the relevant bits and off you go. And if you think that sleek design is impressive, take a look at the wonka-style masturbation wonderland going on inside:

sex toy

3. The Robo Suck II.

Something about a motorised suction machine with separate battery pack screams emergency room. But, this is version II of the Robo Suck, so it must be popular…

sex toy

4. The world-famous Fleshlight series

These tools get their own special NSFW ‘sealed section’ type gallery, because RUDE PARTS. These are basically the ultimate in vag/mouth/bum simulation


 

5. Cyber Skin Knob Polisher

knob PolisherFirst: Nothing fancy here – you pretty much just put it on and move it up and down.

Second: The name ‘Cyber Skin Knob Polisher’ is our favourite of all the names.

Third: What’s the appeal of having an explosive replica wrapped around your special place? Just sayin’.

6. The male hand

thumbs-up

The original and the best. Although it does seem kind of boring now.

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