Dear Parents and Future-Parents,
People often say that you should work your way up to having kids, to see if you’re responsible enough to handle it. Start by buying a plant, see if you can keep that alive for a while and if that goes well, move onto a pet.
I think this is a terrific idea because lord knows there are some people who would not clear that first plant hurdle and should take that as a sign. Not everyone should have kids.
But for those who do, I’ve noticed a troubling trend that has gone from merely cute and quirky to plain nutso. When it comes to one of the most important decisions you make on behalf of your child – what to call them – an alarming number of new parents are confusing human babies with dogs and cats. Perhaps they shouldn’t have made it past the pet stage of the preparing-for-parenthood experiment. Or perhaps, they’re just misguided about the impact their decisions can have on their kids’ future.
You want to know the name that broke this camel’s back? Actually there were three. I heard them while reading this Real Housewives of Melbourne recap and learning that one of the housewives has three young children named Buster, Budd and Kiff. And sorry but no. The double letters at the end does not make those names more human. Those are excellent names for labradoodles. Or tough cats. But not children.
I’m not saying you have to name your kid John or Jane. There are plenty of ways to give your baby a distinctive or unusual name (if that’s what you’re looking for) without resorting to Lassie or Skippie.
I fear this pet-names trend is reaching epidemic levels. There are celebrities who have called their children Wolf, Bugsy, Pixie, Coco, Angel, Duke, Lulu, Sparrow, Cricket, Honey, Buddy and Bear. There are several celebrity children called Bear (it’s also the #2 most popular dog’s name in the US). Some of them are GIRLS.