Forget about 'fetch' - these are the words that need to happen.

Good day, my chuckaboos. Stop your mafficking and nanty narking for a moment – there’s an important conversation we need to have.

It’s about conversation and why we can learn a thing or two about it from the folk of the Victorian era. Because while they got some things very wrong (freak shows, rib-crushing corsets, etc), our 19th century friends really had fancy talk down to a fine art.

These ladies and gents had an armoury of delightful words and phrases with which to express themselves – words that have been lost in the passage of time and replaced by abbreviations and emoji. So many emoji.

Before society reaches peak YOLO, we need to restore the English language to its golden era. We need to stop trying to make “fetch” happen (because, let’s face it, fetch is not going to happen) and instead channel our collective energy into bringing back delicious turns of phrases like “bang up the elephant” (perfect) and “skilamalink” (shady or secretive).

So, MMers, your challenge if you accept it: try to drop as many of these corkers into your conversations today as you can.

1. Daddles.

Meaning: Hands.

“Put your daddles up”. “Daddlecuffs”. Police dialogue just got a whole lot more adorable.

2. Shake a flannin

Meaning: To have a fist fight.

Eg. “James Packer and David Gyngell shake a flannin in Bondi”. Now that’s how you write a headline.

3. Not up to dick

Meaning: Unwell

Next time you take a sick day, call your boss and say, “Yes, hi, I’m sorry I can’t make it to work today, I’m just really not up to dick…” And then tell us how they respond.

4. Powdering hair

Meaning: Getting drunk

Could there be a more elegant way to say you’re getting wasted?

5. Podsnappery

Meaning: Willful determination to ignore the objectionable or inconvenient, at the same time assuming airs of superior virtue and noble resignation.

Ten points if you find an appropriate context for this very fun-to-say word.

5. Nanty Narking

Meaning: To have fun

As the saying goes, blondes have more nanty narking.

6. Got the Morbs

Meaning: To have temporary melancholy

If you get the execution right, this one almost sounds strangely 2014: “Yeah, like, I’ve totes got the morbs.”

7. Jammiest bits of jam

Meaning: “Absolutely perfect young females”

Well, it’s certainly a lyrical way to admire a young lady’s form.

8. Gigglemug

Meaning: A constantly smiling face

Adorable.

9. Chuckaboo

Meaning: A close friend

Much more fun to say than BFF.

10. Sauce-box

Meaning: Mouth

A slightly more charming alternative to the Aussie classic, “pie-hole”.

If you simply can’t get enough of speaking Victorian era-style, J Redding Ware’s dictionary of Victorian slang is your new bible. You can read it here. 

Do you have any other words we need to make happen?