sex

‘Orgasms are always simultaneous’. 14 things TV shows and movies get wrong about sex.

Have you ever watched a sex scene in a movie only to have a chortle at the absurdly unrealistic nature of the whole tango? Course you have! We all have. Cause they're FILLED WITH LIES.

Sex scenes in movies and TV really fkn AIN'T IT.

Watch: Mamamia's sex survey asked Australia women intimate details about their sex lives and this is what they had to say. Post continues below.


Video via Mamamia

From orgasms to shower sex, we take a look at 14 things about sex in movies and TV shows that are really, truly, unrealistic. 

1. Everybody gets an orgasm.

You get an orgasm! You get an orgasm! EVERYBODY GETS AN ORGASM!

Ahh, the old orgasm. In case you haven't already noticed and spent years wondering if there's something wrong with you, orgasms are *always* simultaneous in TV shows and movies. 

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Coolcoolcoolcool.

2. ... And it happens within 0.2 seconds.

Within like two seconds of penetrative sex women always come every single time, without fail. And there's literally no foreplay. And if there IS some kind of foreplay, it's kissing for like 30 seconds.

Lol yeah, righto.

3. Wearing a bra during (and after) sex.

WHAT IS HAPPENING

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When you're having sex, there's generally no clothes involved, yeah? Like, there's a reasonably high chance everyone is naked. 

However! For some unknown reason, female nipples are this totally ~obscene~ thing, so bras during and after sex scenes is really common in movies. And if the bra suddenly comes off (!!!), 11/10 times there's a well-placed sheet pulled right up underneath the woman's chin because GOD FORBID.

4. No penises allowed.

The same goes for penises. They're always diligently covered up with a hand or a sheet during and after sexy time, or the guy just manages to have sex with jeans on (?), because IMAGINE IF SOMEONE SAW ONE.

5. No one ever discusses contraception.

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WHERE ARE THE CONDOMS, PEOPLE. 

Every time there's a casual hook-up/sexual situation going down, apparently there's no need to EVER discuss if someone needs a condom/if she’s on the pill/if anyone needs lube/has an STI, etc., etc.

Noice!

6. No one needs to pee afterwards because UTIs don't exist.

OH HOW GOOD.

7. Periods aren't a thing that anyone has to deal with.

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When was the last time you saw this convo pop up in a sex scene? NEVER. Because apparently all women in movies are majestic creatures who don't have to feel like absolute death every month. 

Just lucky, I guess! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

8. There's no... clean up.

There's no... mess. It's just always a cuddle and fall asleep situation. Grosses me TF out.

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9. Women are *always* wearing matching lingerie.

According to every movie ever, if you're a woman you should be wearing matching lingerie AT ALL TIMES. Jusssst in case, y'know... ✨sexy things happen✨. Approximately no one wears those undies they've had for eight years with the holes in them. Like, no one. 

10. Having a full face of makeup and perfectly styled hair.

Stop that.

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Y'know what REALLY pisses me off (along with these 428 other things)? When women always have perfect hair and makeup after having some crazy jungle sex. 

Like, COME ON. No mascara smudges, no foundation patchiness - not a single hair out of place. How?! WHY.

NEEDS MORE SWEAT.

11. Shower sex is a great idea.

Oh hello, I didn't see you there.

Shower sex in movies usually goes something like this: Attractive woman wearing eyeliner and falsies takes a shower by herself while caressing her entire body in a way no human would do when they're merely taking a rinse. 

All of a sudden, a hunky man appears and the shower sex BEGINS - and guess what? It totally goes off without a hitch! No slips. No squeaky noises. No injuries. Easy as pie!

12. Pool sex is easy.

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In movies, people can hold their breath for way longer than the average person AND perform oral sex at the same time. Neat!

13. It's NBD when your partner rips your clothes off.

You know when it's getting all hot and steamy and the partner just rips the other person's clothes off without asking? It's like, I don't fkn think so m8. I only got this from Zara two weeks ago and NO I can't sew the buttons back on.

14.... Or breaks s**t in your house.

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In movie-land, you don't care if your partner throws all your s**t off the kitchen table to make love to you. You really don't!

Do you have any you'd like to add to the list? Tell us what pisses you off the most. Pls. Drop your comments below.

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