Torture: the new way to lose weight. Seriously.


No. Just… No.

The concept of women torturing themselves for their weight just became WAY too literal.

It’s called the ‘Tongue Patch’ and it basically involves a doctor taking an abrasive piece of plastic about the size of a postage stamp and SEWING IT to the top of your tongue:

Photo: Dr. Nikolas Chugay

Yeah. What. The. F—K?

Invented by a plastic surgeon in Los Angeles, the patch apparently makes it so painful to eat solid food that you’re forced onto a diet of liquids. And life-transforming weight loss ensues! What a dream!

Until, you know, it attaches itself to your tongue like some kind of live host. That’s not a joke. If you leave the patch on for longer than a month, your tongue will BECOME ONE WITH THE PLASTIC.

It gets worse. Not only is this ‘procedure’ becoming increasingly popular, it’s going global too. THE TONGUE PATCH IS AIMING FOR WORLD DOMINATION.

Dr. Nikolas Chugay, the genius who came up with this medieval torture method (that he charges $2000 for by the way), says he has only seen about 60 patients since launching it in 2009. But in Venezuela, the procedure is taking off in a big way. One doctor there claims she does the ol’ cross-stich on about 900 tongues A MONTH.

Can you tell by all the caps in this post that we’re equal parts outraged and terrified? In case you can’t, we’ll end with this: