In the wake of the brutal murder of Hannah Clarke and her three children at the hands of the man who was supposed to love them most, we have decided to revisit this brilliant and powerful essay written by the partner of another victim. Tom Meagher was married to Jill Meagher who was murdered by serial rapist Adrian Bailey in Melbourne in 2012. Tom wrote this for White Ribbon 18 months after his wife was killed, and the sentiment still rings true today. Tom reminds us not to see the perpetrators of violence against women as monsters – but friends, acquaintances, husbands, lovers, brothers and fathers. Who are indeed capable of the worst of human acts.
Trigger Warning: This post deals with issues of sexual assault and domestic violence and may be triggering for survivors of abuse.
One of the most disturbing moments of the past eighteen months of my life was hearing my wife’s killer form a coherent sentence in court.
Jill had been murdered almost six months earlier, and Adrian Bayley’s defence team were presenting a rather feeble case for a four-week adjournment of his committal hearing. Bayley appeared via video-link as I sat flanked by two friends and a detective. The screen was to my right, mounted high up and tilted slightly towards the bench. It was uncomfortably silent apart from the occasional paper shuffle or short flurry of keyboard clicks. I anticipated, and prepared for the most difficult moment of the day when Bayley’s face appeared on the big-screen TV, looming over the seat I then occupied. When that moment arrived, a jolt of nausea came and went, but the worst was to come, made all the more horrifying because it was unexpected.
The judge asked Bayley whether he could he see the courtroom. I don’t remember his exact words, but he replied that he was able to see his lawyer and half of the bench. I had come face to face with him before in court, but vocally, I never heard him manage more than a monosyllabic mumble into his chest.
This was different. There was a clarity of communication, sentence structure, and proper articulation. It was chilling. I had formed an image that this man was not human, that he existed as a singular force of pure evil who somehow emerged from the ether.
Something about his ability to weave together nouns, verbs and pronouns to form real, intelligible sentences forced a re-focus, one that required a look at the spectrum of men’s violence against women, and its relation to Bayley and the society from which he came. By insulating myself with the intellectually evasive dismissal of violent men as psychotic or sociopathic aberrations, I self-comforted by avoiding the more terrifying concept that violent men are socialised by the ingrained sexism and entrenched masculinity that permeates everything from our daily interactions all the way up to our highest institutions.

Top Comments
Most men have also suffered at the hands of violent men. Some men are violent savages. If it was up to me they would all be euthanized. I still believe women can reduce the chances of being attacked though(out late at night, excessive alcohol etc.) But some people will disagree with me on that I am sure. But that is what i genuinely believe.
Men can reduce their risk by not going out too. I like mountain biking. I've fallen off a few times and hurt myself. I could reduce my risk by not going riding... But then I wouldn't get to go riding.
Michael I’d prefer a curfew on men after 8pm so that women can access the night safely, since men are the violent ones. Seems fairer. This was suggested by Golda Meir in 1970’s Israel in response to male parliamentarians suggesting a curfew on women to curb the increase in rape at the time. The curfew idea was quickly shelved when Meir suggested it be men whose freedom be curbed rather than womens.’
Following your thoughts Michael, let’s also ban alcohol so that people who drink it aren’t vulnerable to attack by violent men. Hope you don’t mind giving up your drink?
Well said. Sadly, there are a portion of men out there with a deep seated hatred of women combined with anger issues and fragile egos. They are not monsters that you would instantly pick. They work and live amongst us. (Some) of our politicians and shock jocks indirectly encourage them through their own contempt for women.
When I heard about Baxter I was instantly reminded of Jill Meagher's murderer, Adrian Bayley. The murderous rage seems to be coming from the same place. The difference is one attacked his female ex-partner, the other attacked a female stranger.