“The definitive list of things I could achieve in the time I spend cleaning every year.”

With two kids and a busy husband, I spend a large chunk of my time whispering profanities as I partake in one of life’s most mundane and frustrating activities… cleaning.

Trying to achieve a sparkling clean house with two kids under four and a digging-addicted dog is like trying to quit sugar over Easter or agree with Donald Trump – an impossible feat. While I have relaxed significantly in the tidy freak stakes (i.e. I no longer alphabetise my spice rack), mess still stresses me out and a dirty loo makes me want to vom/book into a hotel. So I find myself spending hours/weeks/months of my life donning plastic gloves and clutching a microfibre cloth on the merry-go-round of cleaning an ever-erupting volcano of mess.

As I entered into another session with my closest friend Mr Vacuum, I started thinking about all the things I could accomplish if the self-clean button on my oven extended to the rest of the house or you know, if I had a cleaner for a year.

Why, I hear you asking? Right now DAIRYLEA cheese is giving away exactly that — not a self-clean button — but a cleaner for a year.

To be in the running to win one of ten cleaners, all you have to do is buy two KRAFT SINGLES or DAIRYLEA cheese products then enter at winacleanerforayear.com.au

With that in mind, here’s how I would spend all of that splendid/relaxing/precious/invaluable/luxurious EXTRA time.

1. Sell my pre-baby clothes.

While I’ve been intending to squeeze back into my size 27 jeans since I had my first child over three years ago, I can still only get them up to my cankle. After 85 failed diet attempts and three unused gym contracts, it’s probably time to embrace the chub and sell my pre-baby threads. Before child care, swimming lessons and kinder fees siphoned my bank account, I spent a ridiculous amount on clothes and shoes, so selling those plastic tubs of designer goodness could probably nab me a top of the range robot vacuum (#priorities).

2. Binge on everything I’ve missed.

It’s not often I get to park my rump on the couch and binge-watch some escapist drama. I’m a sucker for rhinestones, damaged men and a bit o’ “gi-tar,” so Nashville is my current guilty pleasure y’all. I normally get to watch a quarter of an episode after the kids are tucked in before I wake up in a pool of drool an hour later and sloth my way to bed. If I could hang up the toilet brush during the day, I’d grab one of the kids favourite DAIRYLEA DUNKERS cheese and plough through the first two seasons. I might even bump-up the pleasure with a DIY footspa and facial.

3. Sort through 398,542 family photos.

My camera roll is loaded with five years of family photos, none of which have ever been printed or compiled into an album. When I was little I loved paging through my baby album as my mum recounted childhood memories and I want my kids to be able to do the same without the need for a trackpad. One day I’m going to put together photobooks for each of my boys and work my way back to finally compiling that wedding album. When that’s done I might stay at the computer and unsubscribe to the 840 mailing lists I inadvertently signed up to. But first… the shower scum.

4. Enjoy high tea with friends.

After I had kids, a lot of my friendships were put on ice as I waded through the haze of sleep deprivation, round the clock breastfeeding and head-banging tantrums. Now that my kids are no longer babies, I’d love to reconnect with those friends over ribbon sandwiches and Bellinis. We could reminisce about the tipsy days of eating souvlakis barefoot at three in the morning and that time we dueted an operatic version of Kelly Clarkson’s Since You’ve Been Gone at midnight karaoke. I might even get out of my bleach-stained trackies and put on some mascara.

5. Take a dance class.

Dancing was a huge part of my growing up. I even tap-step-ball-changed my way to winning a tap dance championship when I was 15. As I’ve gotten older I’ve become so bogged down by trying to achieve things – at uni, at work and at home – that I’ve stopped doing things for pure enjoyment. I’d love to get back to a dance class and remember how it feels to stamp and shuffle my way through Gershwin’s greatest hits. And hopefully I could shed a kilo or two which would negate the need for point one.

What could you do with the time usually spent cleaning?

Here are some more TV shows you can catch up on with the extra time…