By COURTNEY COLLINS
I am always surprised at the amount of girls that want to date an AFL player.
Some people seem to think I live in this mystical land of free things, champagne & pretty people.
Well, I just spent a good 30 minutes cleaning up dog turds on my deck because my puppies are really dumb and lazy. I clean up a lot of poo. So on that note, let me tell you why being a WAG (the term for Wives and Girlfriends of sports stars) is a BAD IDEA.
A VERY BAD IDEA.
1. It’s not about you.
Ever. I don’t mean sometimes, I mean all the time.
Exhibit A: Really sick and have no family because you moved interstate to be with the love of your life? (Can you tell I’m an expert on this shit?) Doesn’t matter. Your boyfriend has to play footy and the fact that you feel like you may have died and met the devil himself in a feverish hallucination is beyond insignificant.
People ask about your partner all the time. If you’re lucky, they might even decide to end the conversation by emitting a: “So, how are you too?” But it’s unlikely.
I grew up as the apple of my family’s eye, so to be ushered to the sidelines both literally and metaphorically can be hard on a girl.
The constant reminder that you are just another brick in the wall and your boyfriend is part of an elite group of professionals can kind of suck on those days where you’re up to your tenth blank stare from someone and you just know they’re thinking: “Who the fuck are you?”.
2. Footy becomes your life.
Don’t close the browser tab, I’m not insulting your intelligence.
When you’re a WAG, footy becomes your life in a way you never really considered before.
Let me elaborate. You’re buying the weekly groceries and planning what to eat for the week. In a lot of households a “What do you want for dinner?” may suffice. Uh uh. Not here.
“What day is the game this week? Are you playing AFL or WAFL? Will you even be home for dinner or are you doing appearances & clinics this week?” (The game’s date is by far THE most important.)
Ladies, an AFL player needs to carb load. Even local footy players need to do this, but this is the big league and god forbid you better feed him right lest he have a shitty game and you feel guilty for not fulfilling your WAG duties. On a low carb diet? HA! Think you’ll make two meals and avoid that massive bowl of spaghetti on a weekly basis? I’m laughing.