1. The excuses
You have to go for a run. You know you have to. You haven’t been running in… well, you can’t actually even remember the last time you exercised, so that’s not ideal. And your runners are sitting RIGHT THERE, ready to go, and you promised yourself you would get fit and run that marathon in 2014…
Oh but wait. You can’t go. You have to do that thing that’s way more important than running could ever be. Yeah. That thing.
2. The guilt
Okay… there’s no “thing”. At least, nothing that would actually be productive and involve anything but painting your toenails in front of the TV while eating your way through two bags of microwave popcorn. And now you feel awful. And your runners are staring at you. Even your cat is judging you. And you can’t remember the last time you exercised so… FINE, you’ll go running.
3. The start of the run
You’re outside! You’re wearing your running gear! Your feet are moving down the street! You are listening to your most motivational song on your iPod and running so FAST! How amazing can you possibly be?! Why don’t you do this every day? Why don’t you start getting up at 6am every day to run every morning? Imagine how fit and awake you’ll be for the day ahead of you! Why don’t you train for a marathon? Now THAT’S a good idea.
4. The comedown
Okay… you’re getting puffed now. Even though you’re only a few hundred metres away from your house – your pulse is rising. You can’t remember being this unfit. Surely you’re just having a bad running day. Today is an unfit day. Must’ve been the Thai food you had for dinner last night. You’re pretty sure someone once told you that Thai is bad for fitness. You must run more often, on fitter non-Thai-food days.
5. The real comedown
Screw running. Who the hell are those people who run for pleasure? Who are those people who claim that they couldn’t possibly get through the day without a run? WHO INVENTED THIS DEVIL EXERCISE? Your heart is beating so hard that you think it’s about to abandon ship by bursting out through your ribcage. You are pretty sure that you can taste blood. There’s definitely some kind of metallic taste in your mouth. Is that normal? That can’t be normal. Time for a break.