Almost every day, we seem to encounter a new article explaining exactly what is wrong with women’s bodies.
Yesterday alone we stumbled across two stories about knee and neck wrinkles. Which should obviously trump the pay gap on our gender’s list of things to conquer.
But, gosh, after you’ve read a few of those articles it’s hard to keep track of exactly what it is that you’re supposed to hate about yourself.
So, we figured we’d just make a list. A list of things that you need to worry about your body, so that you can keep track of all of the things that you should be putting your energy into and divide your time accordingly.
So, starting with our latest wrinkle-related discoveries, let’s get started. Whip out a pen and paper, and write this shit down.
Just put wrinkle cream on your face? You’re doing it wrong.
The place that you should be applying those potion is on your knees. You wrinkly, ageing, knees.
What’s that? Your knees are supposed to be wrinkly? They’re a joint, just like the elbow, and the skin on top needs to pull tight when the joint is bent, resulting in a natural wrinkling when it is not?
Sounds like something that someone with Kninkles would say.
2. The Techneck
Yet another problem with our bodies that we were so kindly alerted to by the journalists at The Daily Mail is The Techneck.
The Techneck is basically the wrinkly neck that is acquired by women who spend too much time looking down at phone and laptop screens, and not enough time holding their head in such a way that absolutely no skin creases in a way that might cause long term aesthetic damage.
Those youthful Amish are onto something.
3. The Thigh Gap
Your body is inadequate because when you stand with your feet together, bend forward and take a photo of your legs (which we all do each morning at 07:09, naturally) your thighs do not touch.
Some women – like model and generally renowned intelligent and beautiful person Robyn Lawley – have come out and said that the idea of the thigh gap is stupid.