by EM RUSCIANO
How would they handle the Carmen “situation”?
Who would the public vote put through and who would the judges choose?
How many buttons would Seal have undone and would Joel finally switch toothpick chewing sides are all questions I was waiting for The Voice to address last night.
I am bursting to talk about Seal’s shirt. Just know I will, this is a pre-sell. I. WILL. GET. TO. HIS. SHIRT.
Straight off the bat, Carmen getting dumped off the show was covered and by covered I mean glossed over in such a fashion it almost had me believing it was a good thing. Almost. In what was clearly set up, they had Carmen sitting casually at the piano just you know, riffing, when Joel approached her looking tres serious. He explained how she had broken the rules by making eye contact with Guy Sebastian and therefore had to leave the competition. Carmen said “I can just be so naive at ti…”. Yep, they even cut off her response. Cut to the surviving members of Team Joel strutting their stuff on the red carpet in varying tones of blue. Laura Bunting said to the camera “Carmen is OK, she knows how much we love her, Carmen is with us tonight,” then smiled and that was that.
Yes Laura, I’m sure your words were of great comfort to Carmen. Like a tampon would be to a haemorrhaging head wound I imagine.
Into the studio we go and we cop a visual of the judges for the first time and OH MY SWEET BABY JESUS IN HEAVEN WHAT IS ON SEAL’S HANDS?! It went by a few names on twitter … I christened it the “Glirt”, others went with “Shove.” Whatever it was, it was fantastical and I am still totally picking up what Seal is putting down. His shirt didn’t stop at the cuff like regular old boring shirts – no, it extended to his knuckles like a super hero shirt. He had a shirt with in-built gloves for those of you still not following.
Delta looked hawt. Perfect amount of cleavage, skin tone a sun kissed bronze. And Keith? Perfection as usual. Joel had new colours in his hair and a fine vest.
First up we needed to boot a couple of contestants off from last weeks live performances. For some bizarre reason they were forced to front up in the clothes they performed in the week earlier? Why The Voice wardrobe department, why? I hope that is fixed next week. It made it seem as thought they had all slept at the studio doors all week just hoping they’d be given another chance.
I’ll keep the elimination part short.
On Delta’s team: Viktoria and Rachel got through on public vote, Delts put Glenn and Danni through for her choices. Ben and Matt Hetherington sent packing.
Seal’s team: Karise and Emma-Louise got through on public vote, Seal put Fatai and Chris Sebastian through for his choices. Sam and Michael sent packing.
Tonight was team Joel vs team Keith.
First up the silky smooth vocal stylings of Darren Percival. Keith was just so delicious in the pre package, he said “I picked this song because I wanted to hear him sing it.” He was acting like a total fan boy and I loved it. The song Keith chose was “Wherever I Lay My Hat” by John Paul Young and Darren drizzled honey all over it. He was total boss on that track. The judges agreed and proceeded to go on and on and on and on and on x infinity about it which almost spoiled his performance.
Prinnie struck a pose to start her rendition of Nicky Minaj’s “Turn Me On” and I think did the best with what she was given. This was Joel’s first stinky song choice of the night and sadly not his last. Also, I think the addition of backing dancers was a little premature. I know the production values must increase every week so we get a sense we are building to something but still… Let the girl sing! I worry she may exit before her time, I really do.
Next was Adam from team Keith who I had completely forgotten! He was given “Lonely Boy” by The Black Keys and did a fine job but it just didn’t blow my head off (in a good way). Seal admitted to not knowing the song which could make things awkward at this year’s Universal Music Christmas party seeing as they both belong to the label.
Sarah De Bono appeared wearing a killer frock and the fiery red locks were well tamed tonight. She sang “Listen” by Beyonce wonderfully. No one can question her vocal ability; I can and will question Joel picking this song for her. Surely it is too early for these kind of torch songs and surely we have enough performers doing them and surely she should be kicking arse with a fast paced wailer. I reason she’d sing the balls off an ACDC track. However, big notes get votes and she had PLENTY of those so don’t be surprised if she gets through.
The diminutive Jimmy followed with a Guns and Roses classic. This particular song brings back memories for me as I made my Dad learn it so he could play it as my guests arrived at my 13th birthday party. I know right! I thought he did brilliantly and enjoyed his version of “Sweet Child o’ Mine.” I appeared to be the only one though. I am still a HUGE Jimmy fan. It turns out Jimmy had been sick all week, so sick he missed rehearsals the day before. Seal gave him serious crap about that, stopped short of calling him a soft cock but did manage to say “well done” at the end.
Ben and his new Tattoo courtesy of Joel sang Ed Sheeran’s “Lego House” and it was quite lovely. I hope he gets through. Bonus points to the set designers who had a Tetris/Lego things happening in the back drop.
Triple denim Taga tricked me into thinking he was going to sing the all time classic “Africa” by Toto. Twitter threatened to melt down from the sheer awesomeness of that but then it turned into some sort of Jason Derulo mess and then small children were break dancing on the stage and then I felt sad. I fear it’s Ta ta for Taga. (Yep I just did that).
Joel decided to give Laura Bunting Gotye’s “Somebody That I Used To Know”, this seemed to split a lot of people. I didn’t mind it, I could do without the scary exorcist eye choreography she had going on but otherwise a solid performance…
Next up Diana competing in the key change Olympics with Beyonce’s “Love On Top”. Best performance of the night, vote for her. THE END. She nailed every key change, has short hair and wore a bow tie. A winning combo if ever I saw one. Well done Keith and well done Diana and well done to the wardrobe department.
Lakyn seems perpetually frightened and or constipated. He is ridiculously good looking (wait, how old is he? is it OK that I say that?) and has a unique voice. “Forever Young” didn’t do him justice. I think he needs to be whisked away and placed in the same incubator Matt Corby was for a few years then unleashed on the unsuspecting female population. It’ll work out better for everyone that way, trust me.
Finally the buxom, ethereal Brittany Cairns with a song I had never heard but it didn’t matter because Keith loved it and her frock was pretty and I like the tone of her voice so I would vote for her too.
So that’s it. The judges didn’t feature much tonight, I missed them a little. Also, the show MUST FIX ITS SOUND MIXING ISSUES. The levels are out of whack and it’s becoming quite distracting.. Like Seal’s man cleavage…
Until next week kids.
P.S. Tickets have totally gone on sale for my Melbourne Cabaret Festival show “Em Rusciano- The Musical”. If you’re in Melbourne it would be nice to see you. For more info, go here.
Em Rusciano appears on Network Ten’s ’The Project’, she also regularly hosts The Circle. You should follow her on Twitter here (she is Mamamia’s official The Voice tweeter) and take a look at her website here.
Did you watch last night? What did you think?