by EM RUSCIANO
The real winner tonight was undies and snail trails and flat tanned stomachs and undies and smatterings of honey coloured hair and what? Where am I?
Yep, tonight Keith Urban stood up (via satellite) and most women and men who are so inclined, fell down…
Here is the moment if you missed it:
Lucky he was wearing some impeccably, impeccable white Calvin Klein undies and not the ones my husband usually gets around in. Sometimes there are so many holes involved it’s just a waist band and a small y-front begging for mercy. Also, I wouldn’t allow my husband within 50 paces of a white anything but I’m pretty sure Keith shits filtered dew drops so you just know they’ll be pristine at the end of the day… Too far?!
The dramatic opening music told me that “The Voice” would get down to boning people pretty quickly and they did not disappoint.
We did cop a sniff of the fact Seal’s contestants would be singing his songs or his arrangements of other songs, this excited me for several reasons.
One of them being the chance he could storm the stage.
Team Keith kept Darren Percival and Brittany Cairns thanks to the public vote and he chose Diana Rouvas and Adam Martin as his own. This sent my one of my faves Jimmy Cupples home along with triple denim Taga Paa. Since Keith was in LA and wasn’t there to console his rejects (I can say that as I am a fellow reality TV song contest reject) Seal stepped up to rub his chest against them all inappropriately. It was soothing and creepy in equal parts.
Team Joel got Sarah DeBono and Lakyn thanks to you lot and he chose to keep Prinnie and Ben Hazlewood, leaving Laura Bunting out in the cold.
First up for Team Seal was Chris Sebastian wearing what looked to be.. Well, a Seal. He had on a dapper, shiny black suit and his hair was severely side parted. It all worked for him. The song was I Can’t Stand The Rain by Anne Peebles (Seal’s arrangement of course) and he pretty much nailed it. I just can’t shake Guy from my head when I hear him though, maybe that doesn’t matter anymore?
Next up Danni “Wind Machine” De Rossi. There was much talk of how she was overhauling her look after just 2 weeks, I think they set the styling machine to “young Denise Drysdale” as Danni again looked older than her years. From memory she had a cute, ghetto, Snooki vibe going on – I say work with that. The song When Love Takes Over by Kelly Rowland was shouty and forgettable. I rate this Danni, I rate her face off. Delts just needs to pick better songs for her and the wardrobe department needs to relax and trust their instincts.