If women were really bitches, they wouldn't send texts like this.

Forget sexting.

I get off on something way more satisfying – and spine-tinglingly good.

Texts from friends. They are a magical elixir I can’t get enough of.

We all know the stereotype – women are ‘bitches’, women are ‘mean girls’, women are ‘frenemies’.

But what about the other side of the equation? The fact that we sometimes just totally turn each other, well, not on exactly, but at least the right way up. Especially as we get older and better at friendships.

Sometimes my phone reads like a giant love letter, or the best self help book on earth. Here’s a text I got the other day from a mother who was at music camp with my son.  A mother who knew I was worried about him being exhausted and playing up.  (Please read this knowing it’s not a brag.)

This text does not say that much about my son, or me, or my parenting.

No - this text is a hug in words.

It says 'I know your fears, I hear your worry, I got your back, lady'.  It says everything to me about how women hold each other up and give each other friendship, goodness, kindness, generosity and sweet, sweet love. We know how to make each other feel better about life.

I know not all women are angels or sisters.  I know some mean girls become mean women.

But I don't see them.

As my mum gets older she can't handle sad movies. I'm the same with meanness.  I just can't watch any Real Housewife shows that celebrate and exaggerate cattiness, and I turn away from the The Bachelor because I don't want to see women be cruel and underhanded as they compete for a man. I've become allergic to cruelty and less immune to its pain.

As I get older and bolder I have managed to spot meanness a mile off and avoid it like the plague.  I make friends on feel, instinct and vibe - and I usually get it right.

So here's what I texted her back.

I know - we should get a room, right?!

Wrong. We talk to each other all the time like this.  Women who hardly hug are intimately loving when they know the other needs it. And I reckon we get better at this stuff as life goes on.

Female snarling has many terms from 'bitchiness' to the scientific 'relational aggression'. But I wonder if we shed it somewhat as we age and different things become important. As life becomes more challenging we need each other too much to compete. As happiness becomes increasingly valued we don't want to contaminate each other's experience of it.

At the same time we stop being bothered about hiding our weaknesses and insecurities, which paradoxally makes us less of a target to others. Evolutionary psychologists would argue it's because as we age we don't need to compete for men.

I think they're wrong, but I don't care why it happens. I'm just glad it does.

I can be mean and mumble behind backs. I can be negative and jealous and neglectful.  But I'm with Amy Poehler when she says “The minute anybody makes you feel weird and non-included or not supported, you know, either beat it or tell them to beat it."

When life is crazy busy and life is crushed between competing responsibities we may have less time for each other, but we also have more compassion for each other's trials.  And, thanks to technology, compassion can be quick and instant and easy.

I just hope I give some women the kindness, relief and sweet soul hug that they often give me.

Because, sometimes, it just takes a text.

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