"Ladies, stop blaming the 'other woman'. She didn't cheat on you. He did."

Not a single day goes by that I don’t see someone talking about what they would do to the other woman or how another woman better not talk to their significant other. I see women blaming the other women for their man’s indiscretions.

The side chick isn’t your problem. Your man is, and you’re making it worse.

Ladies, you’re not dating the other woman. You’re not married to the mistress. She isn’t the person who cheated on you, so she’s not your problem.

Why isn’t she your problem?

Your man is a cheater, and you need to stop blaming the other woman for his bad behaviour. If it wasn’t her, it would be someone else. It will be someone else in the future because the problem will remain the same. It’s your man.

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When you blame someone else, you’re telling him it’s not his fault. You’re telling him he can’t help himself. You’re training him to believe it’s expected of him.

Whether you realise it or not, you’re telling him it’s okay because he has no control over his actions. When you go after the other woman, you’re showing him you blame her.

You’re telling him you don’t hold him responsible for cheating even though he was the person who cheated on you. You’re teaching him to keep on cheating, and you’re looking foolish for not placing the blame where it belongs.

The other woman didn’t cheat on you. He did.

She wasn’t the person who did you wrong. He was.

The other woman didn’t break your trust. He did.

Don’t tell me she knew better because she knew he wasn’t single. He made the decision to cheat knowing he wasn’t single. The other woman didn’t force him to cheat. Women aren’t out there holding guns to their heads to make these men cheat. He made a decision, and he made that decision knowing how it would affect you.

Going after the other woman does two things. It tells him it’s expected that he can’t control himself, and it lets him know you’re not going to hold him responsible for his actions.

Sure. You may huff and puff at him for a little bit, but you’re going to focus on the other woman. You’re showing him he can cheat with little repercussion.

You’re showing him you’ll hold a complete stranger responsible for your heartache before you’ll hold the actual culprit accountable. You’re teaching him it’s okay to cheat.

Sit back and think about who hurt you. You don’t care about her, so she can’t hurt you. He’s the one you care about. He’s the one who hurt you. His actions are what caused you pain.

The other woman doesn’t matter. She could have been anybody. It will be another woman next time, and he’ll still be the person cheating on you.

Stop teaching men they can’t control themselves and aren’t to blame. Stop teaching them to blame others for their own actions. Stop enabling cheaters and start holding them accountable for their choices. Otherwise, you’re just teaching him to cheat on you.

Amy Dodd Pilkington is an aspiring beach bum who enjoys travel and sweet tea. This published author has been featured in Health Magazine and many other publications. Follow her on Twitter. 

This article originally appeared on Medium and was republished here with full permission. 

Feature Image: Getty.