I always knew he wasn’t the perfect husband. There was too much lying for that.
But I never could have imagined the person he would become, and the way he would kick his own family and kids to the kerb, as if we are no more important than a piece of dirt.
After 27 years of marriage, I never could’ve imagined I would have to end my marriage after my husband’s messages to his sex workers accidentally ended up on my daughter’s phone.
Nearly three decades of marriage, two teenage daughters, and this is how it ended: My daughter running to me as I sat in the living room of our home, her phone in hand, her face bracing for the worst. I knew what they were straight away.
“Hi girls, I saw your pics, I love them. Do you want me to buy you a drink? I’ll buy you a drink. I am waiting at the bar.”
There were directions to the house, inferences of nights together. My husband’s messages to sex workers had landed on my 14-year-old’s phone, and I decided enough was enough. My marriage was over and I was leaving him. Little did I know this would be the easiest part of the next seven months. I left him in March this year, and my life hasn’t been the same since.
My husband wasn’t always the cheating narcissist he is today.
When we married, he didn’t want children and it took me 10 years to twist his arm and convince him it was a good idea. Up until we had kids, he was pretty good. When we had kids, he started to lie and cheat and lie and cheat.
Top Comments
One word comes to mind..victim. Take some responsibility. He didn’t want kids, you badgered him into it. You allowed him to control the finances, the phone, the mortgage. I’m assuming the business is in his name only or else there would be a legal issue there. Willfull blindness.
Ok heres my advice for what it is worth
1.stay in the house as long as possible. Don't worry about the equity running down -as at least you are getting a share of it right now
2. Meanwhile -and this is the important bit
while you have somewhere to live, use that time to plan for a future for yourself and the girls and that means creating financial independence for yourself
-enrol in a training course at TAFE or similar that will provide you with work-for example there are never enough aged care workers(ok doesn't sound glamorous but you need your own job, your own money and your regained self respect)
-you say the girls are 15 and 17 Ok time for them to help out too-babysitting macdonalds etc-yes they too can regain their confidence this way
-don't spend any more big money on lawyers-go through legal aid
3. Ignore the ignorant people posting about how it is all your fault.
4. Keep yourself and the girls fit-go running in the park, go swimming-have picnics out, don't droop about being miserable and letting yourself go-get out there and do everything that is free or cheap -just get on with it.
5. Look forward not back-you don't need this sad man in your life, you are strong enough, even if you don't feel it right now. Your girls are old enough to help-you three can be a team, make a slogan "team girls" or some such.
6. If the time comes and you have to move out find somewhere simple to rent and get on with life without looking back. You really don't need so many things and in some ways 'things' are a burden.
7. Most importantly show the girls how to be strong in the face of this difficult situation, they need you as a role model not a crying victim-just refuse to be a victim-keep fit, put on your lipstick and say "stuff him I am moving on to a better future"!!
Good luck xx