Ah, kids. Strange little creatures with magical abilities to hide your stuff when you need it the most. You know, like when you’re about to walk out the door to an already late appointment and are faced with an impromptu game of ‘where’s my keys/phone/wallet’.
When people say that kids love a good game of hide and seek, they’re not talking about you finding children. They’re talking about you seeking all the stuff that they’ve hidden in ridiculous places because there’s nothing that adds excitement to the day like searching high and low for your car keys knowing full well that you won’t find them anywhere logical.
Next time you’re faced with a ‘turn the house upside down’ situation, consult this list of the best hiding places kids think of for your stuff.
What better place for your iPhone than the fridge, nestled in between the squeeze pack yoghurts and last nights left over carbonara. It’s climate controlled (heat isn’t good for phones, you know) and even has it’s very own built in search light up the back. Makes perfect sense, doesn’t it?
Think about it, it’s a small swimming pool without a fence, in the middle of your house. What could be better? Mum and dad seem to like it because they visit often and so, it’s the perfect place for your keys. An even better place to take a phone for a swim. Advanced ‘stuff hiders’ will work out the cistern in time and will start adding things in there. Now that’s a fun game.
'Sweetie, for the last time... are you sure you haven't seen my keys?" istock
When you're knee high to everyone else, indoor plants can look like the wilderness. So if you've got a little paleo wanna be on your hands, check they haven't thrown the goods out into the wild (or the pot in the bathroom) for you to hunt and gather.
Inside other objects
It's real like babushka dolls, except with no rhyme or reason. Shoving stuff inside of other, totally unrelated stuff is great. Until you're looking for the stuff.
Open, close. Open, close. Little Houdinis love the idea of putting things in cupboards. Shit knows why. You'll spend hours looking for your lost item only to have it fall at your feet weeks later when you open the door to the muffin tins.
I agree darling the cupboard really was the perfect place to hide your birth certificate just before our passport application appointment. (istock)
If you consider something to be of worth, it's always best to keep it on your person. Frisk the little ratbags. Turn them upside down and watch what falls out.
Inside tissue boxes
My second son was a bandit for hiding things inside tissue boxes. We have no idea why but for him, shoving something down the little plastic guarded chute was a great game. I can't tell you how long it took me to work that one out but flu season was like Xmas because we finally got all of our missing stuff back.
The dogs bed
It's comfortable and comes with it's own guard hound. Hiding things in the dogs bed is a great idea when you're a small human. The dog also really appreciates being allowed to chew on your oroton wallet.
In the nappy
Stand strong, you're going in. When a kid has to hide some evidence pronto, down the back of the nappy is where it may go. I'm hoping for your sake it's a clean one.
Dress up box
Sometimes kids like to take their play pretend to the next level. If your credit card has gone missing, you might want to check it's not being used for fraudulent activities in the play supermarket. I don't think the bank covers that kind of theft.
"No, it's fine mum says I can use her handbag whenever I want" (istock)
Always check the bin. In fact, it should be one of the first places you investigate. For some reason unknown to anyone over the age of about 5, hiding things in the bin is tops especially if you've just cleaned up roast or fish from dinner.
If you have a dryer that sits on the floor (AKA is accessible by small people) you'll want to make that part of the hide and seek torture. In fact, to preserve basically anything of importance you should consider checking the dryer and washing machine thoroughly before each and every use.
Ahahaha what could be funnier than hiding mum's phone in a gumboot when it's on silent. I must have missed that joke.