real life

The best ice breaker EVER.

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Mamamia Friends, I am passing a gift on to you all. I have no need for it anymore – I got hitched, had a kid, and never go anywhere interesting these days.  But I don’t want this gift to go to waste.

I’m going to give you an ice breaker – or, let’s call a spade a spade  – a pick up line. It works best on men, as was my habit (but feel free to let me know if it works on women as well). It  works just as equally on one individual, or a whole group at a party. If you find yourself struggling to generate conversation in social situations, this one rarely fails.

Now it’s fairly low brow conversation, but it does really appeal to the general public – the common man if you will.  To be honest, I can’t take credit for this line as I pilfered it from a dude in a bar at Sydney Uni circa 1993: he used it successfully to kick-start a lulled conversation, and I immediately took to it and ran with it for about 15 years. One time, many years ago, I heard Merrick and Rosso using it when they were on Nova and that’s when I knew my line had gone viral even before going viral was a thing…

And here it is:

‘Sooooo, what’s your favourite biscuit?’

Now, most men will run with this and become quite interested – it’s random, but not threatening, and so much better than “So what do you do?” (such a deathly question to start conversation, in my view!). They’ll probably ask you about your favourite biscuit too – or even elaborate on why they love that biscuit. And then you take it from there. But a few will inevitably go ‘huh?’ and get a look on their face like an NRL player listening to an explanation of gravity – if this happens, just ask them ‘What do you always buy when you go down the biscuit aisle in the supermarket?’ That should sort them out. If not – move onto another dude quickly.

Iced Vovos

Now, over the years -in the interest of research- I have categorised the various answers to this pick up line into what type of man you have encountered. And these are my hard won findings:

Kingston, Tim Tam man – Boring! Everyone likes these biscuits. This man doesn’t think outside the square. He’s just following everyone else and going down the path of least resistance. If you want a lateral thinker, this man isn’t for you.

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Honey Jumbles, Tiny Teddies Man– He’s sweet, but has serious Peter Pan Syndrome. You won’t get this one to commit – he’s locked in childhood and doesn’t want to grow up. You’ll be cutting the crust off this one’s packed sandwiches for work.

Monte Carlo, Iced Vo Vo Man – Ladies, run for the hills, you’re barking up the wrong tree with this one. Gents, congrats: spot on gaydar.

Salada, Sao Man – Give him kudos for thinking laterally, savoury instead of sweet. But is a cracker a biscuit? (Hey, that conversation can go for hours at a party, especially if everyone’s on the sauce). This man’s a real fitness nut, very healthy. You might be up at 6 am jogging with this one. You’ve been warned.

Scotch fingers

Spicy Fruit Roll, Scotch Finger Man– Yes, believe it or not I have heard this answer. An old fashioned gent this one, personified by an old pair of slippers and a smoking jacket. Want a sugar daddy? This might be the man for you.

BBQ, Pizza, Cheese and Bacon Shapes Man– A real party boy. He’s a bit spicy, a bit fun, salty and sweet at the same time. Don’t go for this one if you’re the jealous type.

And the ultimate man – drum roll please. The ANZAC Biscuit Man. If a man answers this (and he’s a rare species this one) – picture yourself being swept up Sigrid Thornton style by a tall, dark and handsome man in a Driza-bone. He’s all OZ and all man.

So, I hope you can use this line to your advantage. It always worked for me – it intrigued my victims, got them talking, made them remember me, let me know in one quick answer a little insight into my prey. And I bagged myself a BBQ Shapes man a few years back who’s turned out to be a real winner.

Good luck to you all my friends – and let me know how you go.

PS: Please note – tongue is firmly in cheek. Do NOT break up with your partner if he cracks open a packet of Iced Vo Vos tonight, I cannot back this information up with any real empirical evidence – yet.

Angie Holst is currently on 12 months maternity leave and had told all her colleagues that she was looking forward to being a lady of leisure for a year – she is still waiting for that leisure time to kick in. You can find her Twitter here and her blog here.

What’s your best pick up line? Have you had any funny ones used on you?