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SWEET JESUS.
There’s six men left in the competition and we’re yet to meet precisely two of them.
We open on Timm with two Ms doin' a bit of light reading while... walking. He comes across a rack of "grose kits" and is particularly excited.
He calls over the rest of the boys and they come to the conclusion that they're old people dress ups and then they do a giggle because Ryan already looks like an old person and... true.
The guys get dressed up as old people and arrive at the group date and it's supposed to do Osher a giggle but it immediately backfires mostly because of Carlin and his... face.
Nek minute a bunch of old birds come in to steal Angie's fellas.
They all get paired up with a ~ more mature ~ lady except for a man allegedly named Alex who gets paired with Angie. He seems nice. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Timm with two Ms' dance partner Viola keeps trying to touch him a lil' bit and he says he feels like a "baby giraffe straight out of the womb". It's unclear whether those two things are related.
Ryan and his partner Lyndall immediately fall in love on the dance floor. They run away to the country to live a quiet life together. For the first few weeks everything is perfect. But then Lyndall joins Facebook and starts "reconnecting" with guys she went to school with.
Ryan starts to think that she used him for his youthful smell and also his iPad and WiFi.
After one final teary kiss, they part ways. Ryan returns to the dog park but every day, as the sun sets behind the trees, he stares into the distance and whispers "Lyndall, Lyndall, Lyndall".
Angie chooses Ryan for the final single date to help him get over Lyndall and her Facebook cheatin' ways.
They play a game in which they basically conclude that they'd very much like to pee on each other in the shower.
Then a woman named Madeleine blindfolds them and makes them lube up some innocent little berries. Ryan most definitely gets a boner.
PAUSE.
It's cocktail party time and Ryan is telling the boys about that time he and Angie molested some fruits together and that other time they peed on each other in the shower.
The boys be jealous.
Osher turns up and he's got a very special box pls.
He explains to the guys that they're about to have an intimate dinner with Angie while they answer some questions from his very special box.
First up, Angie asks Carlin if he's had any work done and he admits that he had his lips done. The boys do a giggle because Carlin's lips are very thin and silly pls.
Then Timm with two Ms asks the group whether they've applied for any other seasons of The Bachelorette.
Ryan - who told the entire nation he specifically came on the show because he slipped into Angie's DMs - admits that he went through the audition process for... Ali's season.
Angie yells out "SO I GOT ALI'S SLOPPY SECONDS" and it's uncomfortable for all of us and also our ancestors.
Ssssssshhhhh.
It's rose ceremony time.
Ryan gets a rose.
Carlin and his face get a rose.
Timm and his two Ms get a rose.
Jackson and his pies get a rose.
The two men we are literally yet to meet get sent home.
We might see them in Paradise but we probably won't... recognise them. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
UNTIL TOMORROW NIGHT.
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Catch up on all our recaps here:
Mamamia recaps The Bachelorette episode 1: Australia just met the creepiest villain in Bachelorette history.
Mamamia recaps The Bachelorette episode 3: A man from Angie's past leaves the mansion divided.
Mamamia recaps The Bachelorette episode 4: A new frontrunner leaves the rest of the men fuming.
Mamamia recaps The Bachelorette: OH NO. Jamie has gone into full Stage Five Clinger mode.
Mamamia recaps The Bachelorette: WE WEREN'T EMOTIONALLY PREPARED FOR THIS.