By ROSIE WATERLAND
And we open on the girls this week! What is this show? Osher interrupts them as they’re having a very casual ‘just sitting fully-clothed by the pool’ conversation. He reminds the girls that Tim wants to get to know them because interacting with people you don’t know very well is how you get to know them. Ali knows she doesn’t need that advice because she and Tim were married in a past life where they rode sparkly unicorns while holding hands.
Where is Tim? What is happening?
Ahh, here he is! I knew it wouldn’t be long until he did some more contemplative thinking at the beach. Last week’s piano business just felt wrong. And it’s contemplative beach thinking of the chin-up variety! Must be some deep issues to get through. Muscles.
Danni gets the single date. Funnily enough, nobody is happy about that except Danni. Anna says Danni’s the mean girl of the house, but Emily’s hoping Tim will notice that because “Tim’s a really good judge of character, so… hopefully he’ll be judging characters well.”
Tim and Danni’s date is all about the ‘five senses’. Tim isn’t sure what they are so he tries casually digging for clues via his date: “Do you have a sense you’d like to see tantalised?” Danni replies: Giggle giggle giggle “Touch!” giggle giggle giggle giggle.
She’s a producer’s dream.
Obviously we’re heading to this week’s dream destination in another rickety aircraft, because nothing says romance like plummeting to your death with a man who can’t decide between you and 7 other women.
“No guy’s ever lined up a sea-plane trip for me!” Danni exclaims! You should probably thank whoever lined up the sea-plane then, because Tim’s been tied up and hidden under Ali’s Cinderella bed sheets for the last seven days.
Danni declares in a private cutaway that she’s going to turn on the charm and Tim will totes fall for it because “guys are a bit stupid”. She left out “And because BOOBS.”
Back at the house, Emily is getting lots of screen time for no reason. This has generally been the kiss of death for girls we don’t know much about. Something something words annoyed face something something words. Yeah, she is definitely having a breakdown and/or going home this week.
The group-date card arrives. There’s lots of forced laughter/involuntary eye twitching. Penny has taken on the slightly deranged look of one of the women from Hoarders who doesn’t understand why a dead cat under her couch is such a big deal. “I’m not a needy kind of girl. (EYE TWITCH) But come on Timmy. (EYE TWITCH) You can’t just forget me.” Laughter laughter TWITCH TWITCH laughter. We may have a new crazy-eye winner on our hands.
YES. ALI IS BACK BABY! She gets picked for the group-date along with Emily, Sarah and Penny (obviously, or she would have crazy-laughed until blood started coming out of one of her ears).
“I’m really touched that he does want to see me today,” says Emily. Yup. You’re so lucky that a man who is pitting you against 8 other women has given you permission to leave the house he has you locked in all week. What a dream! Anyone else get the feeling this chick is on thin ice?