For most of us who are or have been pregnant (and I'm in the latter camp, so let's not start any rumors), it's the only time in our lives when we feel a little like a celebrity. Passersby smile at us. Strangers want to hold the door. And if we really have to, we can cut in line for the bathroom. But just like famous folks have to put up with their share of difficulties (Gwyneth Paltrow told USA Today the Met Ball was soooo hot and crowded this year), pregnant women have to put up with some common annoyances too. Ours come in the form of people.
The Bean Spiller: A Bean Spiller prides herself on having superhero-like abilities to determine when someone in her midst is pregnant. And, she likes to show off this ability to everyone any chance she has. If you're in the early stages of pregnancy and want to keep your pregnancy private, do not go out to dinner with a Bean Spiller. If you forgo wine, ask for your steak well-done, or even sneeze funny, a Bean Spiller's going to demand to know if you're pregnant. And she's going to do it loudly.
The Celebrity Who Shares Your Due Date: You're never going to actually meet this person, but they're still SO ANNOYING when you come into contact with them in the form of photos in magazines. She's the movie star, rock star or supermodel who shares your due date. And because, as a culture, we now worship at the for-some-reason-never-swollen-feet of pregnant celebrities, you are going to see this famous person the whole damn time you're pregnant. Then — as an added bonus — you're going to see her in a bikini on a magazine cover about two weeks after you give birth.
The It's Fine-ers: The "It's Fine-ers" want you to relax and just chill out. They don't want you to worry about things like pasteurization, alcohol intake or anything at all when you're pregnant. "Why aren't you drinking? You can have beer! You can totally have a beer right now. I drank beer when I was pregnant and my baby's just fine! And my mom did keg stands and smoked two packs a day during her entire pregnancy and look at me! I'm getting you a beer. I'm getting you two beers. One for you and one for the baby." On the flip side are the friends who memorized every page of What to Expect When You're Expecting. Don't plan to order a cup of coffee and a turkey sandwich around them unless you feel like getting lectured about caffeine and Listeria.