lifestyle

The 11 stages of getting a pet.

By MAMAMIA TEAM

Anyone with a Significant Animal Other will tell you that getting a pet is one of the most important decisions they’ve ever made. Maybe even the most important. NO EXAGGERATION.

So whether you’re thinking of getting a pet, or loving on the one you already have, here are the 11 stages you go through when you first bring a new four-legged family member into your life.

1. Dreaming about getting a pet

You um and ah over the decision for what seems like forever, until it gets to the point where every dream you have looks like this:

Or this:

It’s time. You are getting a pet.

2. The negotiation

Your partner tells you they want a labradoodle. Your reaction is the following:

You go back and forth for months, fighting about breed, colour, sex, names… Eventually you make a suggestion that maybe everyone can agree on. There’s a tense pause. Wait for it…

You’ve been given the pet-go-ahead.

3. Actually, finally getting a pet.

You visit every shelter, look on every website, hold every single available dog/cat/armadillo in the world, and nothing feels right. But then, just when you’ve given up, you lock eyes with the most perfect bundle of animal joy you’ve ever seen and it’s love at first sight.

You’ve found them! It’s true love.

 4. The first night

Any time your new pet does anything, you react like this:

Every single thing they do is impossibly cute and/or genius. You have clearly brought home an animal savant that will also win first prize in all the cutest pet competitions on earth.

5. The third night

As the first-night novelty wears off and you try to lay down some rules, things start to lose a bit of their sheen. You’re all like this:

And they’re all like:

This is when you officially realise there may actually be some work involved in this whole operation.

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6. The first epic indoor poo

Nothing can prepare you for the first time you step in dog poo in the living room. First it’s confusing because the context doesn’t make sense (“Why is there something squishy on the floor of my house?”) then it dawns on you: POOOOOOOOOOOO.

7. The first time they destroy something you love

This one feels personal. After you took them home, loved them, fed them, bathed them, they turn around and eat the clasp off every single one of your bras?

How could they have done this to you? HOW COULD THEY BETRAY YOU LIKE THIS?!?!?

8. The first time they rest their head on your lap

You snuggle down on the couch in a stylish onesie and with a glass of wine, and right at the moment you reach comfort-city, your best friend decides they want in on the action. They somehow manage to nestle right into the coziest spot in your lap, and just as you think your heart may burst at their cuteness, they take their little paw and rest it right on top of your hand.

9. The first time they completely lose their mind when you walk through the door

Getting a pet is a little like having a fan club and having the president of that fan club live with you. You can’t help but get a big head when you walk in the door and find yourself showered with immeasurable amounts of love.

It’s enough to make anyone want to hair-flick.

10. Realising your friends do not find your pet as interesting as you do. 

You just told a ridiculously hilarious/adoable story about your smoochie and how they’re so funny in the way they can tell the difference between cheap pet-food and fresh mince from the butchers and you try to sometimes trick them with the cheap stuff but they can totally tell because they’re so smart and you’re just so lucky to have suck a smart animal and can you believe just how mu –

Your friend is smiling and nodding. But they are dying inside. Rein it in.

11. Realising you can never live without your animal BFF.

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Do you remember the first time you got a pet?

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