parents

"Your 14-year-old daughter tells you she's pregnant."

So… what would you do?

It’s a scenario that isn’t often covered in mothers’ group.

What would you say if your 14-year-old daughter told you she was pregnant?

Would you drive her straight to the abortion clinic? Talk to her about adoption? Ask her to find somewhere else to live? Advise her to keep it? Offer your babysitting services?

Offer your parenting services?

This is the question that was posed on a recent Reddit thread.

Here are 14 mums’ responses.

Mum number one:

I have no solid advice, but I can’t fathom how kicking a 14 year old out would help anything.

Mum number two:

I’d support her in any decision she made, including abortion or my helping her raise the baby. It may not be “fair” but it’s in everyone’s best interest for me as her mother to be kind and supportive. I’d of course, strongly encourage her to use a more fool proof method of BC immediately following the birth or abortion. I’ve thought a lot about this scenario both being a woman who was sexually active very young and now as a 35 year old new mom to a precious daughter.

Mum number three:

You support her and help her. End of story.

Mum number four:

My first reaction would be, “Seriously? With all you know about birth control and STI prevention, you STILL managed to get yourself knocked up?”

Then I’d help her tell her dad. Who will probably get very quiet and say he needs to think about things.

While he’s off brooding over worst case scenarios, we’ll go over her options, and the pros and cons of each.

For what it’s worth, by 14, we’d actually discussed this several times as a theoretical scenario with both kids (male and female). We played through several different versions of what could happen.

My kids know that I’m generally pro-birth, but I also believe that a woman has a right to choose an abortion, and will support their decision, whatever it is. And yes… If you’re having sex, you’re a woman/man and you need to step up to your adult responsibilities and stop expecting other people to make your decisions for you. Including your parents!

They also know I would expect them to finish their education, however difficult it might be. And I would expect them to support their child to the best of their ability. “Kiddo, you’re going to grow up fast.”

Their father has said, “I’m not getting up in the middle of the night with another baby. That’s your responsibility!” So, sleep deprivation will definitely be a thing for them.

In my opinion, while 14 is not the age I’d want, there’s still joy in bringing another person into the family. Life is sometimes difficult, and sometimes you make decisions that make it a hell of a lot MORE difficult than it needs to be. But that doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world, or even the end of your happiness. You just need to start making the best decisions you can from here on out.

Their dad, of course, will be looking at the financial hit to our family. And how much longer he’ll likely have to work past retirement. And he’ll be miserable… until he meets the baby. Then he’ll adjust to the new normal. (I think he’d prefer the abortion option, but he wouldn’t ever pressure anyone to choose that.)

Mum number five:

Advise abortion. well it would be the most logical thing to do unless she is far along obviously, so i guess it depends how far along she is. i think all the people commenting about reflecting where you went wrong… i think thats kind of moot at this point?

Mum number six:

“Good thing we’re pro choice!”

Mum number seven:

I don’t know what I’d do (I’m subbed because I’m pregnant with my first) but dear Merlin I can NOT understand the mentality behind kicking a pregnant 14 year old out onto her ass.

I thought parenting was about unconditional love, support, and guidance until at least age 18?

Mum number eight:

Or love and support.

I’d go with option two, being angry and judgmental isn’t going to change anything and that kid is going to need allot of help growing up. And really it’s not the end of the world.

I’d get her to the doctor, get her healthy (pre-natals, teach her what to eat), and we’d figure out if she would keep the baby or put it up for adoption then take steps from there.

Mum number nine:

Breathe. Tell you love her and that you’ll talk about this once you’ve had some time to think.

Come back and talk to her after you calmed down.

Ask her if she knew what she wanted to do in regards to the pregnancy and go from there.

If she wanted to keep it, there would be conversations about the feasibility of that.

If she was leaning towards adoption or abortion, then I’d happily embrace that and start looking into the best agencies/doctors in the area.

If it’s a son coming to me with this information, I’d tell them I loved them and we’d just have to wait and see. Because that’s his only option.

How would you react to the news that your teenage daughter is pregnant?