"I didn't tell my partner I have cancer. And now I think it's too late."

It’s the kind of situation you never think you’ll find yourself in.

But for one Redditer, the looming fear of cancer became such a burden she decided not to talk to her partner about it. Or anyone for that matter. That is, until a few too many drinks and an argument brought out the very worst news. And now she’s unsure how to mend their relationship, which had been based on trust for so long.

Hear her out.

“First of all please don’t berate me for not telling him. I know it was stupid, I know I should have known better. I’m not here to listen to why I was a bad person. I just want to save the best thing that has ever happened to me.

So I (f24) have cancer. It sucks, I’m on wait and watch stage right now until they decide treatment is necessary. I’ve known I’ve had cancer for about a month and half. I hadn’t told anyone at all. Until last night. When I got WAYYY too drunk and threw it at my boyfriend (m25) when we were fighting. (I know, I know I’m a terrible person.)

I love my boyfriend. He’s the best thing to ever happen to me. I was stupid, SO stupid not to have shared it with him because he’s been nothing but supportive. I was just terrified. Now we both are, and I’ve lost his trust and I don’t know what to do to fix this. He says it’s fine but it’s not. I just know.”

What judgements you may have, it’s important to remember that everyone copes with pressure and the stress of a situation in different ways. For some people it’s sharing the news far and wide in hopes they’ll gain some clarity. Whereas others prefer to stay silent. Reddit was a fire with suggestions for her.

One of the most honest and thoughtful responses belonged to taco_maelstrom:

“I don’t think it was necessarily inappropriate for you not to tell him right away. You didn’t tell ANYONE right away. It sounds like you got a major shock and needed some time to process alone before you could share it. I do think the WAY you chose to tell him was highly inappropriate and the real problem here. Even if he had known about the cancer it would’ve been wrong to use your illness to score cheap points during an unrelated argument.

If I were you, I would explain to him that he was the first person you told (however inappropriately) and let him know your reasons for keeping the information to yourself. It doesn't sound like it had anything to do with not trusting him or feeling he would not be supportive. He's going to have to dig a little and understand your position too, because cancer is a hell of an adjustment. But absolutely apologise for the manner in which he was informed and give him some time/space to work through his reaction to your illness."

When asked how her boyfriend reacted, the Redditer said, "I've been friends with him for 6 years. We've been dating for a year and half. We've been involved in each other's lives for a while. Never in my life have I seen him as upset, angry, worried, and saddened as I did last night."

It was at this point that makepowpow chimed in with some well wishes and a hearty reality check.

"Well with the information you threw at him he has every right to be upset etc. He's hurt you kept something so big from him and hurt at the idea of cancer. Relationships are supposed to have communication and support among other things. Let him cool off and talk. You didn't tell anyone which is good, you're probably scared out of your mind, I get it. If you don't talk about it, you forget for that day about it. Life sucks, but you always have to make due with the hand your dealt.  Let your bf know how you feel, if you love him and he does love you, ask him for support.

Learn from this you need to learn to communicate better. Also I'm very sorry to hear about the diagnosis of cancer, be strong and I hope for the best in your relationship and your health."

It's a difficult situation, and arguably one that all parties agreed wasn't handled the best way. But what would you do faced with a burden this big?