'It's bloody expensive' + 5 other reasons this writer won't be mixing the snow and little kids this ski season.

Holidays aren’t really holidays when you have little kids. If you have them, you know it.

It doesn’t matter where you go, a young family going on holiday is pretty much defined as: packing up all your stuff and dumping it somewhere else.

Nappies, sterliser, formula, pureed food, penne pasta for your five-year-old because it’s the only thing they’ll ever eat, wipes, a million pairs of spare undies for a newly toilet-trained toddler, a blankey, Where’s Wally or some other pointless book because it’s your daughters FAAAAAvourite and a million itty-bitty packets of sultanas that will inevitably end up floating around the bottom of your handbag for the rest of the year.

Exhausting just reading it, right?

So, it’s a mystery to me as to why someone would take their travelling circus to the SNOW.

There are a multitude of reasons as to why I wouldn’t take my kids to a sliding ice-pit, here are my top six:

1. It’s cold.

It’s not just cold. It’s freezing.

Little people get icey noses and red ears. They get runny noses and cold cheeks.

Then …

2. They get boiling hot.

Little people are like volcanoes. They can appear completely fine for hours and then within minutes they’re as hot as Yum Cha dumplings fresh from the kitchen. And before you know it, they’re happy to play in Everest-type conditions whilst wearing a Bonds singlet and no undies.

This makes them sick. And makes their mothers sick with worry. Mostly, because they know that the minute the snow ‘holiday’ finishes, they’ll be up every night for the next week administering Panadol like it’s their job.

3. Snow is made from ice. Ice is made from water. Water is wet.

Wet kids? The pits. Wet COLD kids? Inconceivably bad.

Why would anyone volunteer … ? No, hang on. Let me rephrase … Why would anyone PAY MONEY to look after wet and cold children?

4. Snow holidays are expensive.

A holiday at the snow is a bottomless pit of expenses. Petrol to get there, entry into the park, parking fee, accommodation, food, lift tickets, ski hire, warm clothes, more clothes, lunch on the mountain for children who NEVER STOP EATING, lessons for your uncoordinated toddler who you probably believe is the next Alisa Camplin.

But the costs begin long before the holiday actually starts.

I’ve heard legendary tales about mums going wild at Aldi, searching for ski gear that actually fits their children. When they hit the jackpot, they break out into bizarre celebratory excitement and post about it on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, LinkedIn and wherever else they can gloat. They post photos of their child in a supermarket aisle dressed in a suit so orange that they look like an escapee from Guantanamo. The kid’s expression reads, “save me”.

I understand. They’ve SAVED money. And any money, is a lot of money when it comes to skiing.

Then there’s the unplanned costs. Hand-warming-clicky-packs that keep your icey fingers warm that you didn’t realise you needed until you were on the TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN (not a lot of competitive pricing going on up there); $10. And you can kiss good-bye to your loose change after you knock back a couple of hot chocolates at $4.50 each. In fact, that’s not loose change. Let’s unpack that.

3 kids, 2 adults/ 1 hot chocolate each @ $4.50 each = $22.50

Ahem.

Moving on.

5. Food, glorious food is never-ending.

You will never eat so much food. Ugh.

6. Frozen. The movie.

Blue dresses, crowns and any reference to the snow and LETTING IT GO and I might just turn into a snow man. I’m snowed out and I haven’t even left the TV room.

I’ll be saving my wintery dollars for a beachy holiday. Nothing quite beats the smell of sunscreen, salty eyebrows and sandy bags.

Bring it.

To the snow-goers, I wish you a warm and hospital-free holiday. And memories better than this.

Does your family go to the snow? Is it different when you travel with kids?