Toddlers are cute. They are also Hard Work.
If you have ever shared your home with a toddler, you will know this for sure – drunk divas have nothing on them in the tantrum stakes, and grumpy cat and all his little kitten mates have nothing on them in the cuteness stakes. It’s the best of times, the worst of times. And here’s why:
1. If you can’t find your iPhone, there is a very high probability it’s in the toilet.
2. Walls are for drawing on, not holding up ceilings.
3. You say "No!" They hear, "Game on".
4. There will always be a piece of squished-up toast behind one of the cushions in your home.
5. Orifices are for sticking fingers in. Including yours. Changing a nappy with tiny fingers jammed up your nose is like, meh.
6. The likelihood of your 2 year-old eating the food you cook reduces in direct proportion to how much time you spent preparing it.
7. If there's a dead rat in the park, they will try to pick it up (yes, this happened, just the other day). This also applies to dog poo.
8. Dinosaurs roam your home. And the spikier and more painful to stand on, the better.
9. They know that the pram is the devil's work. But walking anywhere with them will take exactly 250 times longer than it would if they would just Get. In. The. Damn. Pram.
