“I’m a married man in a secret sexual relationship with another man.”
Last year Mamamia posted an article (here), asking why some straight men choose to seek out sex with other men.
Early this morning, a reader (we’ll call him “Hamish”) commented on that post asking for the advice of Mamamia readers.
Hamish wrote:
“My wife and I have been married for 16 years and we have a daughter who’s in junior high; and a son in elementary school. My wife is a very loving and devoted wife and mother who takes very good care of all of us.
She was very beautiful when she was younger but after having become a full-time homemaker, she does not take care of her looks anymore. She has a ‘Tomboy’ haircut, wears a T-Shirt and a pair of Bermuda[s] all the time and does not wear makeup even when we go shopping. Also, she seems to have lost interest in sex and our conversation always circles around our kids, her parents and the neighbours which I am bored of.
When I suggest to go on a holiday, she would say let’s save money for the kids’ college tuition fees. I started to find her a very boring, nagging house maid.
Two years ago, a young man fresh from college joined my company. We have a lot of common interest[s] like tennis, cycling and angling besides philosophy and Eastern religions. He is very handsome and has a natural body fragrance but he is not effeminate at all.
We then began to have a sexual relationship and I’m sure it is not my hidden homosexual tendency was suppressed and now released because I don’t love men, but am romantically and sexually attracted to him.
I don’t think that I’m cheating on my wife because he is not a woman. I use the excuse of work assignments to go on tour with him. Whenever I am with him, it’s like first love again.
What should I do?
We get our fair share of trolls at Mamamia, so it’s possible that Hamish is a troll with a creative streak.
But there’s a chance that he’s also a bloke who is love with a man with a “natural body fragrance” who thinks his wife is now a “very boring, nagging house maid”.
So, we’re throwing over to you – our Mamamia community.
Do you have any advice for Hamish?
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Top Comments
I have encountered this many times with men I have worked with. This article "Love Changes Everything" has a lot of relevance for "Hamish" and others in similar situations. http://www.abbi.org.au/2013...
Are you sexually involved with someone other than the person you swore legally and spiritually to be sexually and emotionally faithful to? Yes? Then you my friend are cheating. That you have discovered a latent homosexual impulse might indicate that you are actually bisexual, which is kind of a big thing to keep hidden from your wife (the one who does absolutely everything for everyone else other than herself - how naïve of her to think you'd do anything for her and love her anyway and maybe, just possibly, raise the matter if you are unhappy with your relationship), but not as big as lying about where you are putting your penis on a regular basis. You are lying and cheating and putting one over on her, making her a fool for trusting you. I sincerely hope you get caught and suffer very severe consequences, consequences that mean perhaps you have less time for all those fun, expensive hobbies you describe, but are in fact doing some more of the house admin and heavy lifting. Who knows, maybe then she'll feel disposed to get out of those old clothes and meet someone willing to be faithful and share her priorities, as she thought (thinks) you did.
Your desire for strange and ''fun hobbies and holidays'' eclipses your children's need for a stable, loving home and your commitment to a person you swore to love and be faithful to forever. Guess what? Love is a choice daily. You do the work, put in 100%, stop cheating. Either explain your feelings and divorce openly and honestly, or stop what you are doing immediately.