By BERN MORLEY
Position Vacant: Stay at Home Parent
Fulltime, permanent position.
Exciting job opportunity for long term, team player. Candidate must possess excellent communication skills and be able to manage an often chaotic work environment. Outstanding organisational skills necessary. A willingness to work variable hours including evenings and weekends necessary.
To be the successful applicant you must:
– Be on call. For the term of your natural life
– Possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
– Be prepared to be intensely disliked, at least until someone needs $5
– Be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next
– Be a walking dictionary and thesaurus
– Have the ability to distinguish between a scream in the backyard that is legitimate and one that is simply ‘crying wolf’
– Be willing to overcome stimulating technical challenges and small gadget repairs such as stuck zippers.
– Maintain calendars and co-ordinate multiple homework projects to deadline