It’s one of those modern dilemmas – how do you split the bill when you’re out to dinner? Whether you’re out with a couple of close friends or many acquaintances, there are bound to be issues that come up when it’s time to pay.
Mamamia reader Paul* writes..
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I went out with a few old friends for a meal but left feeling annoyed and aggravated over the bill.
It is great to catch up with people but when you arrive a bit late and people have already started drinks and it is just added to the final bill, you get a slight feeling of concern.
Then when it comes to ordering your meal you look at some of the prices and are shocked that some meals are twice the price of others. Then some in the group decide to order a starter while you are quite happy with just a main. Then more drinks are ordered and the idea of dessert and coffee is discussed and in your own mind the bill is creeping up and you hope that some consideration is given when you have to pay. Nope – the total bill is divided by the number of you there. As a couple we spent about $30 a head but were asked to pay $45. One lady left early and simply handed over what she considered was a share! I wish we had done that too.
In this situation you are placed in that dilemma of appearing mean spirited and tight if you don’t pay up, but resent that you are subsidising others’ over indulgence. Worst of all, your “friends” don’t even suggest the fact that they have had extra and offer to put in more. Are people so unaware or does eating out with friends entail paying extra for the privilege of their company? As youngsters we would have put in our share and that was quite acceptable. . Even now, you never mind paying a bit extra but when people in the group order meals double the price of others and have starters they should, in good conscience offer to pay extra. A social dilemma or have I got it all wrong?
How do you handle bills when you go out with friends?
Top Comments
I'm a single parent with no financial support from the other parent. To say money is tight is an understatement. When I go out I'm upfront at the dinner table and say "People - I'm only paying for what I order. Any problems with that?" The answer is always no. (I do say it nicely, not aggressively). However maybe I'm lucky as the friends I'm with are very conscious that if they have an entree/dessert/alcohol when others don't that they make sure they cover that. Maybe all my friends (variously single/married/divorced/poverty line/middle class/wealthy are just well mannered people? However if I'm lucky enough to be flush (rarely) I'm more than happy to split the bill equally!
Slightly off topic, but I had a similar problem with a birthday gift for a work colleague about a month ago.
Usually, we all put in a max of $20 each for a birthday gift. It's a small business (a jewellery store) so that usually ends up being a $60 - $80 present at most.
Now, one of the girls (the newest member of the team - had been at the store for about a month, maybe two, and is a casual team member) turned 21 in Feb. Her parents threw her a big fancy party and we were all invited (which was lovely, don't you think??).
So in January, I sent everyone a text after discussing a gift with a couple other girls at work saying "hey guys, just sorting a present for *****. Let me know if you are keen. Have spoken to ^^^^ and we are thinking that ^^^^^ would be a good idea - comes to $14.50 each. Let me know if thats ok!"
A few days later, I get a msg. "So we've sorted ****'s present. It will be $35 each, payment to ^^^^^^ by Friday".
Umm... WHAT!?!?!?!?! I almost cried. At the time I was only working one shift a week, so money was VERY tight. And it's almost twice the usual maximum! And we usually do all get together for someones birthday anyway - so I wasn't sure why there was extra being spent - especially when there were 8 people putting in instead of the usual 3.
So after much thought, I replied saying that I thought that it was a bit much for a present at work, I couldn't afford to put that much in and could we consider a different present. The reply to that was everyone else is more than happy to put that much in, as it's her 21st. (For my 21st I got a $50 Pandora charm from the 4 other people I worked with).
In the end I put in $30 - a massive stretch for my budget at the time.
Also, not saying it was related, but a month later I lost my job after 4 years.
Sometimes people just aren't considerate when organising this stuff, whether it's a meal or a present. Such a frustrating experience for someone who has to watch every dollar!