So apparently sperm facials are the new trend in anti-ageing skincare.
That’s facials of sperm. Sperm on your face (and not by accident, amiright? ZING!), for the purposes of beauty.
The champion of this trend is a 67-year-old grandmother (obviously) from England. Stella Ralfini is a tantric sex guide/couples sex counsellor/sperm facialist.
After constantly being asked how she manages to stay looking so young, she posted a video to YouTube and her website explaining her sperm secret.
Looking for, err, less weird beauty tips? You’ll love these helpful tricks (post continues after video).
So… how does it work exactly? There’s some kind of system to it, right? Sperm gets collected by professional beauticians and turned into a moisturizer or something, right? I don’t just have to rub some random’s sperm straight onto my face, right? RIGHT?
Please allow Stella to explain the details:
Well, all you need for this therapy…. is a lover. If you don’t have one, then you know what to do. And all you’re going to do to is, every eight days or two weeks, have a good time, make sure he has a good time, and when your beautiful love-making session is over, you are going to scoop this amazing sperm mask up with your fingers, put it on your face, leave it for fiftenn minutes, and wash it off.
Apparently Stella got the secret from a woman in India 30 years ago and has been doing it ever since. Stella has a very calming voice, actually. She almost hypnotised me into thinking this was a thing I should do. Then the video ended and I remembered she was asking me to scoop up jizz and lather it on my face. So, probably not.
Apparently sperm has something in it called ‘spermine’ which is a crazy-powerful anti-oxident, and that’s why it’s good for the skin.
So that’s it. Do with this information what you will.
If brightening your face with sperm still doesn’t sound appealing, you could always use brightening makeup (post continues after video).
Just a brief aside: My mum called me while I was writing this post, so naturally I told her what I was researching (just trying to make her proud), and she wanted to know if it matters what kind of sperm one uses. “Does it have to be human?” she asked. “Can’t it just come from a dog or something?”
First of all, I’m slightly disturbed that that was the first question she had about sperm facials. More importantly though, I actually don’t know the answer to her question. I Googled it and just saw lots of words like ‘yeast’ and ‘sputum’ and I got too scared to carry on.
Would you try a sperm facial?