Why did you choose to walk away?
Did you really just want your own space?
How could you just disappear?
Why did you cheat?
How could you cheat again when I took you back on your word that it was a one-off?
You held my hand in yours, with tears in your eyes, and begged me to take you back, then you did it again – how could you?
A painful breakup can mean fretful, sleepless nights as your mind churns through unanswered questions for months, even years.
And leaving those questions unanswered can be torturous.
We break up with exes for different reasons. Some breakups are harder than others - they involve more tubs of ice-cream, spark unattractive howling, and require at least two good girl friends who have a very high tolerance for hearing the same tune on loop.
And it's a common belief that without a civilised wrap-up conversation to tie a bow on the box and move on, they can leave you lugging around heavy baggage and make it extremely difficult to move on.
With that in mind, would you have one last conversation with your ex if you could?
A recent video made for ‘The And’ project sees a former couple do exactly that. Rather excruciatingly, the guy (Andrew) is asked by his ex-lover (Ali) why he cheated so many times.
They battle their way through the really tough, heavy stuff, almost re-connect, trouble flares again, and the video ends with her asking ‘Why do you still want to be friends, post-breakup?’
He says, ‘Because I miss you.’
Forget The Bachelor, this is proper heart-wrenching, raw, real viewing!
Watch the video below. Post continues after video.
But it kind of underlines in my mind that my feelings on this are very right.
I firmly believe in cutting ties.
When it’s really over, it’s gone. That’s not to say you don’t fight and fight your way over the inevitable bumps in the road in a relationship and try to stay in the same car.
But when you’ve hit the end of the road you can’t keep driving.
You can park the car, sit and eat a sandwich, listen to some music, sing a bit to kill some time, but you can’t then start the car up and keep on driving because it's still the end of the road.
Yes, breakups are sad, but you can’t go backwards in life.
There is a photo that does that rounds on social media every now and then with the words, “When your past calls, don’t answer, it has nothing new to say.”
In lots of instances, I agree. I think with an ex you might want to listen to an apology if he has one, or god forbid has awful news to relay.
You’d kick yourself if you ignored that call. But it has to end there.
If he calls to say sorry, brilliant, you’ve got your bow. Wrap it on the box quickly and walk away.
If he doesn’t call to say sorry and you get a call from a TV show asking if you’d like to discuss it on camera, I’d suggest you pickle your own eyes instead.
I have a friend who split with her boyfriend after five years of pretty happy dating.
They lived together and it all seemed peachy until he slept with the new 20-something receptionist at work.
They broke up, he moved out, and I was on ice-cream duty. She met up with him ‘you know, just to talk it through. I really want to get some closure.’
I should have eaten the ice-cream myself.
He moved back in that weekend. Fast forward three months. Hey presto, he was went home with a girl after a boozy night at the pub with his mates.
(I’m surprised he kept it in his pants for that long to be honest - he looked girls in the eye a little too long. It’s a dead give-away they’re not to be trusted.)
If she hadn’t had that ‘last conversation’, she could have saved herself the rollercoaster.
Another friend, I swear, meets up with a different ex at least once a month for a catch-up.
Every time it makes me cross – really, shaking-my-head-in-bemusement cross.
Stop wasting your time. You don’t get an award for staying friends with an ex.
It’s not an achievement. Let it go.
If you’ve kissed five frogs and quite liked the first one, but there is an endless line of frogs in front of you, what do you do? Go back to the first frog because he was the best of the bunch, or keep walking forwards because there are millions in the proverbial pond - and there will be plenty more good ones?
If you keep going, you’ll find fresh frogs you haven’t kissed before, so the electricity will zap you to heaven when your lips first touch and you won’t be thinking about the time he made you cry – or slept with your best friend.
Move on. If he hurt you and doesn’t call to apologise – ever – he’s a jerk.
There are plenty of them, don’t worry, you may cross paths with another. As for those irritating unanswered questions, don’t agonise and don’t pick up the phone.
Block him and go and see a therapist. At least you know their answers won’t have an agenda.
Follow me on Twitter @TweetCorrineB.