By EM RUSCIANO

With regards to The Bachelor announcing that he is now desperately in love with 2nd runner up Louise Pillidge and that they plan on moving in together and the resulting outpouring of putrid hate towards Louise, can I say this?

CALM THE FUCK DOWN AUSTRALIA.

Louise has been the subject of extreme vitriol and online condemnation for abandoning her ‘friends’ in the house in favour of hooking up with man whose love she was competing for.

To give you an idea of what the most hated woman in the country is copping online:

Seriously, take a proverbial chill pill Australia and for all our sakes, shelve the thing right up your bottom, so that it may take effect immediately.

I have not hidden my disdain for this television show, however it continues to dominate my social media timeline so perhaps I am the best person to comment on the latest happenings, as I’m not as emotionally involved as some of you appear to be.

In a exclusive interview with one of the ladies’ mags, Blake and Louise have professed their love for one another in a vomit inducing tell-all spectacular. Blake sent Louise a sappy letter via her father, confessing his deep love and expressed that he hoped to be her “first love, last love and only love” (pauses to dry wretch).

I’m surprised he didn’t request her maidenhead and 10 goats as well.. By the by if someone who wasn’t as aesthetically pleasing as Blake sent a letter containing the above statement, I suspect the police and some sort restraining order would be involved. But I digress…

During the week, Blake’s jilted fiancee Sam Frost™ (the actual winner of The Bachelor) said that she had been trying to reach out to Blake and Louise to find out if the rumours about their alleged love were true. You’ll be shocked to learn that she didn’t received a response, d’uh as if. What was she expecting?

“Soz boz lol :( – Blake xoxo.”

Jilted fiancee Sam Frost™ then effectively reported Blake a missing person via the media, claiming that he was MIA you guys. She has since gone on to say she feels betrayed and wished the new couple had told her to her face.

Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaam, if you text a dude who has recently dumped you and then report him missing when he doesn’t respond, YOU end up looking like the weird desperate one who may or may not have crafted a collection of yarn dolls from Blake’s pubic hair that look like he and your future children.

Be cool lady, just be cool kay? Also they couldn’t tell you about their love, as they were busily selling their story to Woman’s Day, which would have come with a huge confidentiality agreement slapped on it. It’s just BIZZNESS CUZ!

Now that they have magically reappeared on the front cover of a women’s mag revealing their mega love Louise has assumed her current role as: THE MOST HATED WOMAN IN AUSTRALIA.

Louise has usurped Blake’s Mother from the ‘most hated woman’ spot. The lady has been receiving online threats and hate mail for bringing up satan’s spawn aka Blake, The Bachelor.  

Yes, you read that correctly. Some arse lord jerk offs have actually been threatening an elderly woman because of her son’s life choices on a REALITY TELEVISION SHOW.

So we’re doing that now? Tracking down family members and berating them? Some of you have waaaaay too much time on your hands.

Back to the tell-all interview.

Blake told the magazine that he knew Sam wasn’t right for him saying: “Sam and I had fun, we laughed and sat on the couch watching TV and drinking wine, but I realised that’s all there was.” How delightful!

His reason for not picking Louise in the first place was: “It sounds crazy but I was so unsure at that stage and she was the one I wanted to hurt the least, so I thought it would be easier. She’s so fragile that I thought I was protecting her.”

You’re right Blake it does sound crazy and a little bit sexist – ROFL! Although, she does look fragile in her white bikini on the front cover. If by fragile, I mean crazy white hot sexy lust beast!

But, impractical swimwear and blatant sarcasm aside, Louise has done nothing to deserve your vitriol, Australia.

She’s just a lady in love, with a love rat. Even love rats deserve love don’t they? Oh God my point is, this whole show was designed for this kind of situation to occur. He was, at one point, in a 25 way love icosikaipentagon. (That is a 25 sided polygon FYI.)

OF COURSE there was going to be some emotional spillage. Of course there was potential for him to make the wrong choice and then go back and pick another of the 25 ladies he pashed to be with – thats the risk jilted fiancee Sam Frost™ took when she and the others decided to compete in the televised love Olympics.

Sam, remember the time you totally accepted him taking multiple women on dates and grinding all up against tens of them? Now you’re pissy he played two off each other and then ultimately chose one?! You’ve changed.

Where is the line people? Stop shifting it already! Personally, I wish Blake the love rat and Louise, the man stealer, all the luck in the world. I also hope that jilted fiancee Sam Frost™ finds some peace.

How do you feel about Louise’s decision to be with Bachie? Do you care? Are you done with The Bachelor or still tuning in for each additional little detail?

This has been Blake and Louise’s journey so far: