by JACQUI BARNES
One thing I have come to learn is that dating a mum isn’t for every man. Some men don’t want to know that the girl they are with has been in a relationship serious enough to produce a child. And they certainly don’t want to gaze down at this beautiful, sexy woman and be faced with stretch marks, the evidence of past stitches in intimate places and nasty purple c-section scars!
Some men believe that single mums can’t have a ‘single’ lifestyle and go out and away for weekends as they please (to be fair there are some women who may not be able to but I have an amazing support network). Am I a bad mother for dating? Am I allowed to look for a partner while I leave my son with loving carers?
Mothers are without a doubt the best organizers and planners you will ever meet, and if a lovely man asks me to go away for the weekend I will find a way to make it happen.
Some men believe that children are a burden or a problem. They don’t want to take it on – ladies if you meet a man like that, you don’t want him! Whatever the reason, dating a single mum is not for everyone – and that really is ok. Just be straight with me.
But if you see a stunning woman with a gorgeous smile and a real sparkle about her, you shouldn’t let the fact she has a child stop you from asking her out? You might have a real connection with her. She may be THE ONE. Don’t just walk away. Take a minute. And by the way…I’m not always husband-hunting. Sometimes I just want a good time too. Just buy me a drink or a meal. You don’t have to buy me a ring.
Having my gorgeous son is a huge part of my life and I cannot really remember a time before he was here (I mean I know it existed but it’s a hazy memory). But I still have a full and interesting life. I am who I am because of my view of the world, the people I surround myself with, the activities I am involved in, the books I read and the opinions I form. But mostly I am who I am because – in a dark moment lying in bed crying myself to sleep after my husband left me – I made a decision. I decided that I wasn’t going to be this pathetic creature. I was going to be happy and positive. I was going to be successful and a good mother. I was going to have a wonderful life and date and travel and do all the other things girls in their twenties do.
You may be a nice guy I date for a while. We might keep it casual. Or we might hang out for a little longer. But don’t worry, I don’t want you to arrive on my doorstep with a baseball glove and teach *Jimmy to play catch.
Yes I am a mother, but I’m also a single girl. Having a child isn’t all that I am. It is just a part of who I am (a very important part). But I can still date, have fun, let my hair down and have a few drinks.
Are you single with children? What has your experience been?
Would you be taken aback if the person who you were dating had children?