All relationships have their ups and downs. And the ones that don’t last tend to be messy, confusing and downright painful.

Sometimes things disintegrate slowly, but often there is a moment – one that you feel in your gut – when you know it’s over. That might not be the moment things actually end, but it’s most definitely the moment you see the writing on the wall and, with hindsight, you can pinpoint with heartbreaking accuracy.

Mamamia asked seven women to revisit the exact moment they knew their relationship was over.

Side note – team Mamamia confess the worst excuses we’ve used for a breakup, post continues after video.

1. Beatrice – ‘I hated the idea of moving in with her.’

‘I’d been dating my girlfriend for 18 months when I decided it would be better for my career to move from Hobart to Sydney. The plan was that my girlfriend would join me as soon as she finished uni. But once I’d settled into my new life, every time she brought up the idea of moving in together, I realised I was dreading it. She was so needy and kept talking about how we could stay in every weekend, which was not the life I wanted in a brand new city. I realised that if she moved, I’d be trapped – because making someone move then dumping them would clearly make me an arsehole. So I broke up with her.’

2. Courtney – ‘I found myself attracted to someone else.’

‘I was doing a long distance relationship with a guy I was completely in love with. I was considering moving to be with him, even though he had already cheated on me twice. I was at work one day and a guy came in as a guest and was being shown around our office. I got talking to him and immediately realised he was lovely. We got on and ended up speaking for literally an hour about our personal lives and careers. I realised then and there that I was being treated horribly and I had feelings for this random guy because he was so lovely, completely understood me, was listening to me and was funny – all of the things I wasn’t getting from my current relationship. I broke down in tears and called my mum because I felt so bad for having feelings for a random stranger who wasn’t my partner.’

3. Alice – ‘Our Instagram perfect romance was a lie.’

‘I had a real whirlwind romance with my ex. For our first date, we ended up going on holiday – and while we were on that holiday, we booked another holiday together. He sent me flowers every week and showered me with gifts. It was real rom com stuff. But after just a few months together, the cracks began to show. We started to fight and I saw sides of his personality I really didn’t like. The moment I realised it was over between us was when I was scrolling through my own Instagram feed. I realised that behind every single smiling selfie of us or #couplegoals image, there was an argument or a bad day or some other sort of negative experience. Our entire relationship was a front, and so I ended it.’

Side note – Mamamia’s Jessie Stephens has crafted the very best breakup text, should you need it. Post continues after audio.

4. Lisa – ‘I saw a Facebook message I wasn’t meant to see.’

‘I was logged into my boyfriend’s Facebook, purely with the purpose of posting a jokey status about how cool I was when a message popped up from a friend of ours. Of course, I read it. It said something along the lines of “have you told her yet?”. My heart fell out of my arse, the room started spinning and I thought I was going to throw up. I called him immediately in tears and he said “I can’t believe you’re on my Facebook” and hung up. He changed his password straight away so I was bumped out. I kept calling and he answered and said of course he’d changed his password because I’d invaded his privacy. The next day he came to my house. He said he was confused and that he’d met someone but they hadn’t done anything. He said he had feelings for her. I cried then we started making out. I somehow thought that by kissing him with my lovely puffy snotty face he’d realise the mistake he’d made – and then he left. We agreed it would be good not to talk for a while. And he said we were done.’

5. Theresa – ‘Something in my gut told me it wasn’t right.’

‘I was dating a guy for about six months. I was getting ready to go to Europe to be a bridesmaid for one of my childhood friends. The trip had been planned for ages, a day before I flew out, he wanted to hang out, even though I was still racing around trying to pack. He told me to stop for a second and to spend some time with him so he came over and ended up telling me he loved me. In that moment I knew it was over. I panicked and quickly replied, “I’ll reassess the situation when I get back.” I went on the trip and six weeks later, when I got back, I told him I wasn’t ready to commit. Although he was funny, handsome, talented (and did all my ironing) something in my gut just told me he wasn’t the right. Fast forward three months and I started dating my current boyfriend, moved in with him three months later and now we are parents.’

6. Nina – ‘I found out his secret nickname for me.’

‘My decision to leave my husband came when I read a text he sent when my son was two years old. On the morning I found the text, he was in the shower, and his phone kept pinging. I checked it, to see if it was something urgent. It was a group message between his sporting club mates. One of my husband’s replies said: “Don’t think I can make it tonight. SWMBO will say no.” I was bemused – what did ‘SWMBO’ mean? When I asked my husband what it meant, he wasn’t mad I’d looked at his phone. He was totally unmoved by having to explain the message to me.“It means ‘She Who Must Be Obeyed’,” he said, casually. I felt like I’d been slapped in the face. It wasn’t a matter of ‘obeying’ me, or asking my permission, as he often complained. It’s not called ‘asking permission’ like he’s a teenager and I’m his mother. It’s called respect. Courtesy in checking to see if you’re needed – to say what your plans are. Otherwise, how is that a family? After five years of marriage, this is what I’d become to him. And I knew in that moment, there was no coming back from that. I was never, ever, going to kiss, let alone sleep with, a man who called me that after 10 years together – even after becoming the mother of his son. This was no longer just about me: my son and I deserved better.’

7. Edwina – ‘He skipped my graduation to work overtime.’

‘When I finally completed my masters degree, I got super excited about my graduation. My parents flew in (they were living in Italy at the time) and we planned to attend the ceremony followed by a lovely meal out. Two days before, my boyfriend of three years (who I was living with) bailed, saying he had to work. Things had been a bit crap between us for a while so it just felt like another kick in the teeth. I remember feeling sad during the ceremony because all my other friends’ partners had come along to support them. Before dinner, I called his mobile to tell him how the day had gone (funny how it didn’t occur to me at the time that it should have been him calling me.) He didn’t answer. I tried his office and his colleague answered his phone, saying he was tied up. It was a personal line and I just knew in my heart he was avoiding my calls. When I got back home the next night, he’d planned a really romantic evening and we had sex. But it all felt so forced and I had this weird sense that it was the end. We broke up just a couple of weeks later.’

Have you been in a similar situation? When did you know your relationship was over? Tell us in a comment below.