Why the most asked question about sex is the hardest to answer.

I get asked lots of questions time and time again.

Why can’t I have an orgasm? Am I big enough (from him)? Small enough (from her)? – and the list goes in, in a repetitive loop.

But by far the most asked of all of them is “Am I normal?”

It’s the most commonly asked question in sex therapy and the hardest to answer because ‘normal’ is virtually impossible to define.

We’re all individual!

Tracey Cox - the voice of reason.

People ponder the question because they believe all the sex myths, know they don’t apply to their own sex lives, don’t realise they don’t apply to other people’s either and think everyone else is having a better time than they are.

But not only is it unhealthy and inhibiting to aspire to be normal (not to mention boring – do you really want to be the quintessential Mr and Mrs Jones?), it’s impossible.

Read all the sex surveys you want but you still won’t really know what other people do in bed because what people say and what people do are two totally different things.

Instead, steer toward another goal: developing a healthy, satisfying sex life where nothing is ‘kinky’ or wrong provided both of you agree.

Don’t fall for the ‘but everyone else does it’ argument and be pressured into doing things you don’t want to, but do consider trying things that sound reasonable at least once.

If you’re not sure if you’re being narrow-minded, look up a few good sex books to get an impression of whether what your partner is suggesting is standard sexual practice or listed with more unusual things (like sexual deviance).

That will give you a good idea of whether your attitude to sex is prudish – or prudent.

For answers to all your other sex dilemmas, check out The Sex Doctor or visit