There’s a good reason there are many one-child families. With a radar born of self-preservation, from a frighteningly early age, kids know when Mummy and Daddy are up to something and will do everything in their power to interruptus la coitus. Not only does this make things challenging when you are trying to conceive another child, when you’re dating and you bring someone home for some horizontal folk dancing….well, it can be a tricky thing to, er, pull off.
Watch Mamamia staff reveal the biggest lies they’ve told to their partners.
Finally, I have received my first letter asking for my advice as MM’s Sex Reporter (or, on occasion, Sex Doer). This letter comes from Lisa:
I am a 35 year old woman with no children of my own. I have met the man of my dreams and everything is going really well. He is a caring, charming and generous partner – we have an amazing intellectual synergy and are very physically compatible….our sex life is good. Excellent even.
As well as being such a brilliant partner, my man is also an extremely caring and doting father. He has been married before and has 2 children aged 4 and 6 who he shares custody of. I respect this so much and it makes me love him even more. But the kids will be living with us full-time for the next 6 months and I want to know how on earth we have sex with children in the house.
I am sure most of the MM community has in fact dealt with this before. Some of you probably on a day to day basis but I haven’t ever had to consider this aspect of my sexual relationships. So can you please tell me when we “do the act”? Do the kids need to be out or asleep, do we have to lock the door?, Be very quiet?
HOW you have sex with children in the house. When? Where? At all?
Okay Lisa, let me start by saying that I wrote an answer to you earlier today. It included the line ‘Don’t worry, it is perfectly possible to have sex with children in the house. My husband and I do it all the time.’ Shortly afterwards, my phone rang and I left the room. When I returned, there was a nine year old sitting at my computer.
“Mum, do you really have sex when we’re in the house?” she asked. “When? When we’re asleep? Do you ever have sex when we’re awake?”
The lesson to be learned is this: If you’re going to write about sex, make sure you do it when the kids aren’t going to walk into the room. And the moral of the story is this: If you’re going to have sex, then the same thing applies.