real life

When the sex is good but the relationship isn't.



The relationship is terrible, but the sex is amazing. Ever found yourself in a similar situation? Mamamia sexpert Tracey Cox may have some advice that you could help you…

Today’s Question: I’ve been with a guy on and off for the past few years. I’ve seen other people in between but keep ending up back with my ex. I’m sick of the on again, off again routine but love, love, LOVE the sex! He knows me and what I like and I know all his spots too, and we always find new ways to spice things up. What do you think I should do? Stay or leave for good?

Tracey’s answer: Is it just the sex you’re coming back for? Or are there other things? How do the two of you get on when you’re not in bed discovering new hot spots? While great sex is a huge bonus to any relationship, sadly, it takes more than that to keep us interested long-term. After all, most of us spend more time out of bed together than in it (though by the sounds of it, you may be the exception!)

Then there’s the fact that you keep leaving. Relationships split up for a reason and taking a wild stab in the dark, I’m guessing the reason you keep going back out there into singles’ land is to see if there’s anyone better. If you were totally satisfied with your ex, you’d be staying put and working at any problems, so you could avoid the stressful on-off-on-off pattern. Which leads me to another point: do you find it stressful or exciting? It might be the drama of the break up and get together that appeals.

You two clearly have sexual chemistry. What you need to work out is what’s drawing you back together all the time. If it’s habit and history, he’s an emotional security blanket for you. A back-up guy and a safe place to return to if it all gets too hard or boring out there. But if you’re drawn back to him because you genuinely miss him and feel like he’s your ‘soulmate’ (a cheesy clichéd term but one most people relate to), it’s worth staying put. If you decide it is more than just sex that’s drawing you back, commit to it. Don’t leave the door ajar but commit to it 100%, look inwards not outwards to see who else is out there and give it a good six months to a year. Only then will you truly know if he’s a keeper.

Tracey Cox is an internationally recognised sex, body language and relationships expert as well as a TV presenter. She’s  appeared on Oprah, CNN and The Today Show in the US, as well as numerous prime-time chat shows in the UK and world-wide. Her first book, Hot Sex: How to Do It, was an instant worldwide success and is now available in 140 countries. Her other book titles include Hot SexsupersexsuperflirtHot Relationships andsuperhotsex. She also has her own range of Tracey Cox Supersex Toys and Lubricants.

Follow Tracey on Twitter @TraceyCox or on Facebook here.   Her website is at and you can buy her books here.  Tracey also blogs weekly here.

Ever found yourself in a similar situation? Any advice?