SEALED SECTION: He wants me to touch myself...



Sex Question: “My boyfriend wants me to masturbate in front of him. I’m quite a shy person really and I’ve never done anything like this before. I’m not even keen on having sex in anything more than dim light!

He wants me to touch myself while he watches because he says it ‘turns him on’ but I don’t know how to do it without feeling embarrassed. Sure, I masturbate now and then. I’m not ashamed to admit it. But I’ve never done it before with an audience. Gah! Help me, Tracey. For the love of God.”

Tracey says: This is one of those things that you think is going to make you die with embarrassment, but if you do it in the right mood (aka two wines in and feeling horny), it can not only unleash a naughty, exhibitionist side of you (always handy in bed) but unlock the door between ‘OK but slightly awkward/tense sex’ and ‘Relaxed, fun, really good sex’. I know which door I’d rather be on the side of!

Just as you build confidence outside the bedroom if you’re shy, by pushing yourself a teeny bit out of your comfort zone each day (remember how hard it was to go to a party when you were a shy teen?), you should do the same with sex.

Here’s some tips on how to make it easier.


– Don’t make a big deal of the first time. You don’t need to announce it. The next time you’re kissing and he’s touching you, push your hand under his and start gently stroking your clitoris or pushing a finger inside yourself.

– Do it with the lights off the first time. Yes, he won’t be able to see but he’ll know what’s going on – which is still a turn on! Let him put his hand over yours to feel the action.

– Next time, have the lights on (dim) and have him facing that end (where all the action is) looking away from you so there’s no eye contact. Keep your eyes closed as you do it.

– Only do it for a minute or so each time, until you feel more comfortable. Turn up the lights when you feel more comfortable.

– When you’re ready, open your eyes and enjoy the sight of him looking incredibly turned on.

– Congratulate yourself! Now you’re ready to try other new things! Well done!

Tracey Cox is an internationally recognised sex, body language and relationships expert as well as a TV presenter. She’s appeared on Oprah, CNN and The Today Show in the US, as well as numerous prime-time chat shows in the UK and world-wide. Her first book, Hot Sex: How to Do It, was an instant worldwide success and is now available in 140 countries. Her other book titles include Hot SexsupersexsuperflirtHot Relationships and superhotsex. She also has her own range of Tracey Cox Supersex Toys and Lubricants.

Follow Tracey on Twitter @TraceyCox or on Facebook here.   Her website is at and you can buy her books here.  Tracey also blogs weekly here.

Do you feel too embarrassed to masturbate in front of your partner? Would you ever try it?

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